Last posts on depression

The Process of Healing

2008-08-11T18:27:58+02:00

See depression as a tunnel: usually it is healed by going back out of the tunnel the way one came in - but one may also heal by going all the way through it. The former may be the case when the person does not fully lose, the latter when he or she has lost all hope. The strange thing is that depression may heal itself: the chronic stress of depression causes a process of desensitization which eventually may cause it to destroy itself.Depression usually starts with fear or stress. Fear is often still prominent through later stages, but it is usually worse in the beginning. Later, the chronic stress of this fear causes a desensitization, and the person becomes resigned to his situation. At this point fear turns into despair. Despair is actually less distressing than fear, so that the person will often try to remain in despair, leading to unreasonable negativism. This negativism is a subconscious method of the person to blunt his own emotionality further and further, as it makes them stop caring: they give up.Eventually, if their depression lasts long enough, the person's affect will become even more blunted so that the person feels empty. Emptiness may in itself be quite distressing: it may be compared to feeling as if one can't breathe. If this distress is severe enough, the person may become totally numb so that even the distress about "not feeling anything" (except for feeling that one doesn't feel anything) falls away.Here the person comes to a crossroads. If his condition is severe enough and he has a diathesis for it, the chronic stress he has suffered may cause the person to become schizoid. However, this is rare; there is a second possibility.Because the person at this point no longer feels any distress, it may have made place for positive emotions, just as the ice in spring makes place for flowers to grow. At this point the person may heal, and the numbness then turns into a kind of peace: the person is relieved to no longer feel anything, and becomes content with it.

Mental health? Depression.

2008-05-13T15:05:00+02:00

Please, can anyone tell me why I am so fed up???
I have seen in the papers and on TV the earthquakes, tornadoes and other horrible things that are happening. I should be counting my blessings.

So, here I am, fed up, retired so no stress from work. Not too badly off in the money situation. (No begging letters please as not rolling in money either.)
Family ok at the moment.

Perhaps this feeling will pass. I hope so. I don't think it is real depression, boredom maybe. Nothing to look forward to, getting older too.

Depression Advice
Helpful tips and advice on depression from Good to Know.

www.goodtoknow.co.uk

Extraction

2008-04-06T11:25:00+02:00

To struggle against depression can feel like pulling a barbed arrow out of one's abdomen: it becomes so stuck in oneself that it becomes part of oneself, of one's personality, and it will stand up for itself as the whole of your personality would. One has become so used to it that one doesn't want to part with it - for it is all one has, and it offers one safety from the treacherous rises and falls of fate.

Cheer Up

2008-01-05T13:50:00+01:00

Dave Pollard (How To Save the World) posted a list in 2006 of "10 Things To Do When You're Blue." Most of them work for me. If you have the January blahs, try one, or some.

Changes to this blog

2007-12-09T13:19:52+01:00

I have thought for a while that I have been trying to include too amnt different subjects in this blog. For that reason I have decode not to include any articles on mnetal health on this site any longer.

As they made up a fairly high proportion of what I have been posting I will continue to blog these news stories but on a new site;

The mental Health News Blog.

Link from here or check out the link on the left hand side.

I can now concentrate this blog on my other interests such as human rights, buddhism etc.

Depression and cardiovascular disease

2007-10-24T20:38:00+02:00

Depression has long had a popular link to cardiovascular disease and death. However, only during the last 15 years scientific evidence supporting this common wisdom has been available (Glassman et al., 2007a). Since the early 1990s studies have...

More information at: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news/?EntryId=50815&p=2

The Mental Health News Blog

Improve Sleep, Improve Depression

2007-10-15T21:41:42+02:00

New research discovers individuals who suffer from both depression and obstructive sleep apnea (OSA) often find that use of continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) relieves both disorders.

The study is published in the current issue of the Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine (JCSM).

Daniel J. Schwartz, MD, of The Sleep Center at University’s Community Hospital in Tampa, Fla., surveyed patients referred to his sleep center for evaluation of OSA and who demonstrated a significant response to CPAP.

The Mental Health News Blog

Depression can foreshadow intellectual decline in older people

2007-10-15T21:29:40+02:00

Depression in the elderly increases the risk of subsequent mental impairment and can act as a predictor of future intellectual decline, University of Rochester Medical Center psychiatrists and researchers have found

More information at:

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news/?EntryId=50633&p=2

The Mental Health News Blog

mental illness at work: confronting the stigma

2007-10-15T21:24:19+02:00

One in four people will personally experience a mental condition in their life, but more than half are too embarrassed to tell their employer, a new survey reveals

More information at:

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news/?EntryId=50697&p=1

The Mental Health News Blog

Charities praise Government's mental health pledge

2007-10-15T21:21:46+02:00

Five mental health charities have hailed the Government's pledge to raise funding of psychological therapies to £170 million a year by 2010/11 a "victory"

More information at:

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news/?EntryId=50731&p=1

The Mental Health News Blog

7% of U.S. Workforce Depressed

2007-10-14T22:27:58+02:00

According to a U.S. government agency, approximately 7 percent of full-time workers have had an episode of depression in the past year.

Childcare workers had some of the highest rates of depression, as well as those who care for senior citizens. Called “personal-care workers” by the government, this segment of the workforce suffered a 11% incidence of depression.

Bartenders, waiters, waitresses and cooks had the second-highest rate of depression according to the report, at just over 10%. Health-care and social workers were tied for third place in the report, at 9.6%.

The Mental Health News Blog

Elderly Depression Predicts Intellectual Decline

2007-10-12T20:05:20+02:00

A new study suggests depression in the elderly increases the risk of subsequent mental impairment and can act as a predictor of future intellectual decline.
“We can’t conclude that treatment or prevention of depression would reduce or prevent cognitive decline but these findings certainly raise the possibility and that would be our hope,” said Jeffrey M. Lyness, M.D., University of Rochester Medical Center professor of psychiatry and senior author of the research article.

More

The Mental Health News Blog

Genetic Link to Suicidal Thoughts With Depression Meds

2007-09-28T18:38:18+02:00

A large study by Federal researchers suggests the suicidal thinking that sometimes occurs in people taking the most commonly prescribed class of antidepressants may have a genetic basis.

Researchers discover specific variations in two genes increased the likelihood of suicidal thoughts from 2- to15-fold. About 1 percent of adult patients were deemed to be at high genetic risk, 41 percent at elevated risk and 58 percent at lower risk.

Women more depressed and men more impulsive with reduced serotonin functioning

2007-09-25T18:11:36+02:00

Women more depressed and men more impulsive with reduced serotonin functioning
Women and men appear to respond differently to the same biochemical manipulation. Major depressive disorder (MDD) is one of the most common mental disorders, and it is also one of the most studied. It is already known that reduced serotonin...

More information at: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news/?EntryId=50065&p=3

Books on prescription for depressed patients

2007-09-25T18:05:00+02:00

Books on prescription for depressed patients
Patients will be prescribed self-help books instead of medicines under an NHS scheme announced today 19/09/2007

More information at: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news/?EntryId=50119&p=2

Winter may herald SAD epidemic for millions

2007-09-18T15:18:08+02:00

This winter could see an epidemic in cases of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), following the abysmal summer that was the wettest since records began. The summer is traditionally a time of respite for those susceptible to SAD, but mental health experts have warned that with sufferers reporting winter symptoms throughout the season, the effect of the prolonged bad weather will make the winter months even more of a struggle than usual.

HOUSEHOLD MOLD LINKED TO DEPRESSION

2007-09-12T19:00:00+02:00

A groundbreaking public health study has found a connection between damp, moldy homes and depression

Link:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/08/070829162815.htm

GENETIC DEPRESSION LIABILITY SHOWN AS NEGATIVE RESPONSE TO STRESSORS

2007-09-12T18:53:42+02:00

People who are genetically predisposed to depression tend toward negative affect when responding to minor, everyday stressors, say researchers.

Link:

http://www.psychiatrysource.com/NewsItem/Genetic-depression-liability-shown-as-negative-res.aspx?l1=3

McGill study promises faster-acting anti-depressants

2007-09-11T00:53:16+02:00

A McGill University study has found that a new class of drugs known as serotonin4 (5-HT4) receptor agonists may take effect four to seven times faster than traditional selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).

More information at
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news?EntryId=49764

Depression Can be More Damaging Than Chronic Illness

2007-09-09T19:04:40+02:00

New research from the World Health Organization (WHO) suggests that depression can be far more damaging than four common, chronic illnesses — arthritis, angina, asthma and diabetes.

Researchers from the World Health Organization examined data from over 245,000 people from 60 countries across the world.

They found that depression has the largest effect on worsening health compared with the other listed chronic illnesses, even after adjustments were made for socioeconomic factors and health conditions. Depression, accompanied by one or more chronic diseases gave patients the worst health scores. Surprisingly, the health scores did not vary much from country to country, even from poor to wealthy countries.

NUTRITIONAL SUPPLEMENTS REDUCE DEPRESSIVE SYMPTOMS IN ELDERLY

2007-09-05T21:07:42+02:00

Nutritional deficiencies in older people are common and the impact on their physical and mental well-being is likely to be high, the authors write in the journal Clinical Nutrition.

http://www.psychiatrysource.com/NewsItem/Nutritional-supplements-reduce-depressive-symptoms.aspx?l1=3

Clinical depression linked to abnormal emotional brain circuits

2007-08-20T19:55:00+02:00

In what may be the first study to use brain imaging to look at the neural circuits involved in emotional control in patients with depression, researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison have found that brains of people with clinical...

More information at: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news/?EntryId=49159&p=2

Brain imaging reveals breakdown of normal emotional processing

2007-08-20T19:55:00+02:00

Brain imaging has revealed a breakdown in normal patterns of emotional processing that impairs the ability of people with clinical depression to suppress negative emotional states. Efforts by depressed patients to suppress their feelings when... 16/08/2007

More information at: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news/?EntryId=49222&p=1

Nervous, Depressed and Trouble Sleeping

2007-07-02T04:00:00+02:00

Young man feels nervous, depressed and has trouble sleeping when he doesn't have his Limu Plus."My grandson is living with me now after a fall his freshman year in high school which resulted in a broken back that went undetected for three years due to misdiagnosis shortly after the fall. I will spare you the details of all he has been through due to no fault of his own, but eventually put him in dispair pain, depression,and rebellion.He is now trying to rebuild his life, he "was" so nervous, angry and hard to live with. About a year ago he took Limu Plus that I had in the refigerator, he liked it and said then that it helped him. When he came this November to stay with me again he ask about that purple juice..it took me a minute to remember what he was talking about. I looked up the testimonies that you have on the website and from what other people have said, and what he said after only taking it a short time a year ago..I just knew I had to order some for him.I noticed that the bottle of Limu Plus was going down and knew I better order some more.Then yesterday when he was taking his Limu Plus he said "I know this is expensive, and I tried to cut back on it but I hate to run out of this because I really feel AWFUL when I don't take it! I said, "in what way?" he said I just feel so nervous and depressed and don't sleep.Needless to say I just ordered his second bottle and hope it gets here soon, only a few days left..my own fault!He is also taking Vitamins now... along with the Cold and Flu which helped him get through some bad sinus concerns. I can't say enough for that product either!Thank you for the good and dependable formulas you provide, and we KNOW we can trust. I have been a member/ distributor many years so I can say that in all honesty.I have many other testimonies and I will send more, but this one has sure blessed my heart.Thank you and God Bless you all.Nancy"These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any diseases.Click on Limu Plus is find out what's in it.

depresion and diet

2007-06-26T00:45:57+02:00

NEW booklet gives guidance on diet and depression
Recent research from the Mental Health Foundation has shown that a healthy diet can have a positive impact on mental health. The charity has published a new booklet, Healthy eating and depression, for anyone who... 21/06/2007
More Information at: http://www.mhf.org.uk/information/news/?EntryId=47630&p=1

Depression and Smoking

2007-06-08T20:53:27+02:00

Persistent smokers may have higher risk to become depressed than never smokers
Based on a Finnish study, persistent smokers may have higher risk to become depressed in comparison to never smokers. Also those smokers who quit have an elevated risk of depressive symptoms in short run. 21/05/2007
More information at:
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news/?EntryId=46703

Green exercise is effective in treating depression

2007-05-19T21:09:51+02:00

Green exercise such as walking in the country or gardening is an effective treatment for depression, according to a report from the mental health charity Mind.

The report, Ecotherapy - the green agenda for mental health, looked at two studies carried out by the University of Essex to find out if "ecotherapy" was helpful in improving mental health. In the first study, 108 people took part in activities including walking, cycling and conservation projects. Of those who participated, 94 percent said the green exercise had improved their mental health.

Better omega-3 to omega-6 ratio could reduce depression study

2007-04-22T19:31:45+02:00

Improving the ration of omega-3 to omega-6 in the diet may improve mood and reduce depression, suggests a new study.

Researchers from Ohio State University took blood samples from 43 older adults (average age 67) and calculated polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFA) levels and compared these to levels of markers of inflammation, and found that people with high ratios of omega-6 to omega-3 were more likely to suffer depression and inflammatory diseases.

Deep brain stimulation may be an answer to therapy-resistant depression

2007-04-21T17:38:55+02:00

Washington, April 19: Scientists at the University Clinics of Bonn and Cologne suggest that a treatment with deep brain stimulation may be effective in improving the condition of patients suffering from therapy-resistant depression.

They studied the effect of deep brain stimulation treatment in two men and a woman, who had been suffering from very severe depression for several years that could neither be brought under control by medication nor by other therapies.

Imbalance of fatty acids linked to depression

2007-04-19T19:20:04+02:00

The ratio of omega 6 to omega 3 fatty acids affects the risk of heart disease and depression among others, according to a new study published in the March 30, 2007 issue of Psychosomatic Medicine.

Early studies have already suggested that Americans eat too much of omega 6 fatty acids and too little of omega 3 fatty acids. The imbalance of fatty acids is linked to a variety of diseases.

Mental health study shows friends can help

2007-04-19T19:06:48+02:00

A major new survey published today has revealed many people experiencing mental illness are too scared to tell their friends despite research showing friendships help us to cope 10/04/2007
More information at: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news?EntryId=44047

Goals Can Fight Depression

2007-04-13T23:31:23+02:00

Depression is a small word but those who suffer from depression hate the very feeling. The life becomes a living hell for a depressed person. Nothing feels good. Nothing gives joy. One thinks of negatives. Anxieties attack from time to time and many times a depressed person stops caring about anything including life. It is indeed a very bad problem and with modernization, it is increasing. Doctors try their best to treat a depressed person with counseling and medicines, but what can a depressed person do to help himself or herself? Goals in life can help them

Depression study casts new doubts

2007-04-13T23:29:04+02:00

One out of four people diagnosed with clinical depression are misdiagnosed, as their condition is caused by grief over such experiences as divorce, the loss of a job or the loss of a loved one, according to a recent study led by an NYU professor.

The current criteria for diagnosis is a checklist of nine symptoms such as insomnia and lack of appetite; a person has to exhibit at least five symptoms for at least two weeks.

The study's lead author, NYU School of Social Work professor Jerome Wakefield, said the checklist method brings into question the validity of depression diagnoses.

Getting dirty 'could help treat depression'

2007-04-11T01:39:07+02:00

People who suffer from depression could benefit from "getting dirty", according to new research led by a Bristol scientist 02/04/2007
More information at: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news?EntryId=43781

Intensive psychotherapy more effective than brief therapy for treating bipolar depression

2007-04-11T01:37:45+02:00

Patients taking medications to treat bipolar disorder are more likely to get well faster and stay well if they receive intensive psychotherapy, according to results from the Systematic Treatment Enhancement Program for Bipolar Disorder (STEP-BD),... 02/04/2007
More information at: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news?EntryId=43882

« Laughter : medicine for the soul »

2007-04-09T19:43:14+02:00

It all started on one disastrous day. First she lost the person she loved, then came her accident. I was looking at her face...she was pale and tired. Some scars around her eyes and front... Taking cigarette after cigarette and aking for more black coffee. The bottom has fallen out of her world and she, so calm, so poised, found herself at a loss. The weather was amazing...everybody was walking, jogging, sitting in a cafe. I was looking around us...everybody was smiling and laughing exept her. She wasn’t talkative “to make her bag empty”... i was pushing her to talk and to evacuate the pressure she is hiding, but it didn’t work. We gave the tips to the waiter and left the cafe. I was thinking how can i break that silence and that sad ambiance. She asked me to drive her home...but i didn’t listen to her. I convinced her to enjoy the sun for the few hours left. I know perfectly that the sun didn’t work and won’t work for her, that’s why i stoped my car in front of theatre to check if there is something interesting around there...she was little upset, telling me she is not in the mood for movies. I didn’t listen to her, i paid two tickets for the next show...we had to wait 30 min more. Meanwhile we bought popcorn and coke and looked around the movies posters...The movie i picked was extremely funny...i did it on purpose to bring her some smiles.During the projection of the film, i couldn’t believe my eyes and my ears...she was transformed into another person...even she was shocked with the popcorn because of laughing...i noticed some tears in her eyes...that’s because of the crazy laughters we had. We spent 2 hours non-stop laughing. When we went out of the theatre, i saw sparkles in her eyes, sparkles of joy, of life, of relaxion... her big beautiful smile took a remarkable place on her face. Inconsciousely, she was talking more about everything and nothing at the same time. We turned the music on and loud in my car. I was singing with “Alanis Morissette” ...and she followed me, secretly in the beggining then when i started dancing with my head and hands, she increased her voice. I felt satisfaction when i saw her in another state 180 degree different than when i first met her today. I felt happy to heal some of her pain by a simple method...all that thanks to some laughters. It costs nothing... it is free, valuable and 100% efficient. If you want to help someone feeling in blue or if you want to help yourself, bring the funniest person around you or watch a comedy...believe me it works!

Confidence for when you doubt

2007-04-06T12:34:55+02:00

It is 12:10 pm, in 30 min i have to leave, to live some in the hell. Actually it has been a while that i'm doing that everyday...today is the day before the last one. I couldn't handle the pressure anymore...i was exhausted to wake up 4 am, to satisfy my consciousness...so i slept back. I was supposed to wake up early, at least at 7am. But today i woke up at 9:10 am and worse yet i stayed in the bed till 10 in the morning. i wasn't thinking about what the hell is reserving me today...i was thinking only of tomorrow...tomorrow, i will be done from everything...i will skip the hell for a while...Even yesterday night i was supposed to prepare for my daily trip to hell, but i didn't do anything...tried to escape by all the ways...because i was already hurted enough from my previous visit...I did my best to avoid the fire, i killed myself for 2 weeks while people were enjoying their life to avaoid the pain i feel now...but unfortunatly, the luck wasn't besides me this time.In the 2 previous hours, i tried to concentrate some, did all my best to prepare myself..may be i can freeze the hell. Before sitting here, i just watched some pictures, revised some memories, read my old diaries, looked around my room and smiled different time: i told myself " after all, hell won't last that much...even it burnt you a lot this time, you have an open heaven waiting for you somewhere...after all i got the brain, the health and the talent and life is not about how much or how time you have been hurt, it is about hoW did you react to heal and to decrease the injuries left" I took my confidence back from the simple things around me, from my world and from knowing really who i am. I don't care the hell now...after all it is goin to be over tomorrow... exams will be over.

How we learned to stop having fun

2007-04-04T00:42:39+02:00

We used to know how to get together and really let our hair down. Then, in the early 1600s, a mass epidemic of depression broke out - and we've been living with it ever since. Something went wrong, but what? Barbara Ehrenreich unpicks the causes of our unhappiness

Depression help by phone!

2007-03-28T18:34:00+02:00

Phone-based therapy eases depression long term
When people receive brief telephone-based psychotherapy soon after starting on antidepressant medication, strong positive effects may continue 18 months after their first session. 22/03/2007
More information at: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/news?EntryId=51328

Why Intelligent People Tend To Be Unhappy

2007-03-11T20:25:00+01:00

Description: The rates of suicide, imprisonment and emotional dysfunction among highly intelligent people are much higher than for the average. Many are socially and emotionally underdeveloped or maldeveloped. Read on to learn why.

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.

- Ernest Hemingway, author and journalist, Nobel laureate (1899-1961)

Hemingway, who took his own life in 1961, knew his share of both intelligent people and of unhappiness. He lived through two world wars, the Great Depression, four wives and an unknown number of failed romantic relationships, none of which would help him to develop happiness if he knew how.

As Hemingway's quote was based on his life experience, I will base the following speculation on both my personal and my professional experience as a sociologist. Not enough study exists to quote on this subject.

I will use this as an excuse next time someone says I am being negative and complaining that my glass is always half empty!

Depression

2007-03-08T20:24:48+01:00

Depression: Brain Causes - Body Consequences
conference

from 09:00, Monday, 02 April 2007
ends 17:00, Tuesday, 03 April 2007

Description

Depression cannot be described any longer as a simple disorder of the brain, but rather as a series of behavioural and biological changes that spans mind, brain, genes, body – and indeed affects both psychological and physical health. This unique conference will bring together the world leaders in research on depression, to discuss, for the first time in an interdisciplinary setting, both classical and innovative ideas to understand this devastating disorder. The experts will present neurobiological, psychological, genetic and evolutionary models, with a particular emphasis on the mechanisms linking the brain to the endocrine and the immune systems, and therefore linking depression to physical health. The conference will reach out to clinicians and scientists from a diverse range of backgrounds, and we are confident that the way speakers and delegates think about depression will be enriched and transformed by this vibrant interactive conference. Please see the attached programme or go to www.iop.kcl.ac.uk/depression for further information on the speakers and the programme.

Speakers

Scientific Committee: Carmine M. Pariante (London), Robin Murray (London), David Nutt (Bristol), Randolph Nesse (Ann Arbour, Michigan), Lewis Wolpert (London). Organizing Committee: Ayse Omer, Carmine M. Pariante, Monica Aas, Sarah Bull, Livia Carvalho, Andrea Danese, Mario Juruena, Brittany Mason,Valeria Mondelli, Francesca Pili, Kuan-Pin Su. Please see the attached poster or go to www.iop.kcl.ac.uk/depression for further information on the speakers and the programme.

Additional info

The event will take place at the Royal Society of Medicine.

Downloads

200719_e_313_Programme_20_12_06.doc | 42496 | .doc
2007112_e_313_Postcard.PDF.pdf | 1672734 | .pdf

Contact

www.iop.kcl.ac.uk/depression

not so Happy Days

2006-10-26T15:30:00+02:00

I would like to say that I have been so busy that I just haven’t had time to blog, but I would be lying. I don’t like to write when I don’t have fun or positive things to say. I guess though that this blog is suppose to be things I think about and I am not always positive and I don’t always have fun!I have been pretty depressed because my children and grandchildren have moved and the prospects of them coming back are pretty dim. I miss them very much and I need to figure out how to adjust to being alone so much again.My Dr. put me on MORE medicine for the diabetes and I thought I was doing better without it, but she doesn’t like the fact that it spikes up so high on occasion. SO, I am not on insulin, but I do have to use a needle to administer the med. Now, that doesn’t really bother me except I just didn’t want to take any more stuff!!! I have insurance that covers almost all my prescriptions and yet my monthly prescription bill is over $70!! This is just crazy! In spite of the fact that I continue to lose weigh each month; my body continues to sabotage me. My friend lost her father suddenly a little over a week ago and it really made me think of how I felt when I lost my dad almost 30 years ago. That made me sad too. Besides my daughter-in-law losing her dad and my husband and I (finally) making our Will there have been a lot of depressing things in the news and in politics.This election better hurry up or I am going to just keep the TV off until it is over! Even the candidates I like are running negative campaigns! I feel so bad for those young men and women who are in Iraq and the families of those who have lost loved ones over there. It seems like the same feelings I had when my husband was in Vietnam. I didn’t know if it was a war worth fighting then and I really don’t know that now. I know our president practices his Christianity when it is to his advantage and it embarrasses me as a Christian. I wonder just how many others that are running for office are going to do the same thing when they get there. There are certain moral values that I just can not go against, but if I vote for a person who says he or she believes in what I believe in and then goes out and votes against it, what am I suppose to do? This is autumn, my favorite time of year and the colors here have been beautiful even if the weather has not always been great. I should feel good; I am a child of God. He loves me and knows my heart. I have been trying to stay positive and keep my spirits up, but it has been hard. This week I am going to see the Pickle and I know that should help. OK, I am done whining. I know I have a good life. I live in a country where I can say the things I just said here and not go to jail. I know that I am loved by God; but also by my family and my friends. I have a great job and a really super husband. I have a nice home and a reliable car. What am I complaining about??

There's no lights guiding me..

2006-09-01T07:35:00+02:00

That darkness has come back again without hesitation...

Everything once again is too far..... too far to reach... too far.....

Everything seems dark. Everything seems like they never end.

Clouds are cloudy. Darkness is everywhere.

And i dont know where im walking on.

Im alone again.

There's this blog, about depression too... Blogging Through Depression & Life

The Storm that Wages Inside: Lowest Point of My Life

2006-08-08T13:55:00+02:00

Depression isn't something to be proud of especially if you profess yourself to be a Christian. I mean, it really would not make sense at all, how can it be? When Christ has entered your life, you should be free, right?

And it was so embarrassing for me everytime I would spiral into my depression and my friends would be there to see me break down, it won't make me an effective witness for Christ right?

And though I have tried so many times to hide what I have been feeling, by repressing it, it gets bottled up insided, each incident piling over one another, until the pressure became so enormous that I would get ticked off even by the most trivial thing.

The previous months are no exception to the loneliness and helplessness that I feel. In fact, I guess I was so stressed with everything, with leaving all I know and all I love behind that I plunged into an even more depressed state. I would become so good at masking my feelings that I would cry every night to sleep without anyone noticing, not even my sister who sleeps beside me. I would cry and have morbid thoughts that Dorothy Parker's poem kept running through my head

razors are sharp

rivers are damp

acids stain you

and drugs cause cramp

guns aren't lawful

nooses give

gas smells awful

you might as well live

And try as I may to guard my mind, I felt so powerless, and it did not help at all that I found it difficult to make friends here. I just felt like asking God to take my life away, because I couldn't bear the emotions that I was feeling, I wanted to run away...and I know that if you read my entries for the past three months you'd notice the incredible mood swings,you'd be more shocked if you came upon my real journal...

I know that suicide is a sin, who am I to impose on God? To blatantly reject God's gift of life to me, now that I know that He loved me enough to send His Son to die for me. And yet I felt it was the easiest way, it came to a point that in July I was actually begging God to finish me off...Please God, pull the plug...

July 28, 2006, the night when we had a combined cell group, I was so down, and it did not help that my brother was giving me the silent treatment, I felt so alone and so unwanted that I actually cried during the cell group (it was a good thing that we were worshipping God then, so nobody really noticed). After the cell group I excused myself because I was hurting so much, fighting the tears became PHYSICALLY impossible. When I was at the bus stop I kept muttering, "God help me" over and over...I was weeping during the whole bus ride to the Bus Interchange.

When I took the next bus home, I was a little bit sober already, but then the tears suddenly crept up, I decided to preoccupy myself so that I'd distract myself. I took out my pen and notebook and the words just started to flow:

I feel so crappy Lord

if there was such a word,

my life is crumbling down

slowly swallowed by the world

i'm scared half to death

in fact dying's an attractive choice

i'm straining my ears so hard to hear

Your still, reassuring voice

i try to think of Your word

and pray it comforts me

but even when i take a breath

the air is suffocating me

those around me have no clue

of the battle that wages inside

or how the tears slip unnoticed

because i've smiled so wide...

It was then that I stopped and silently said a prayer ," Dear God, please show me what to do, I need to know You're here". And I have never even expected that God will come through so tangibly, because what happened next has never happened to me.As those words cried out from my heart, I looked out at the window, it was way past 9 o' clock, the roads were dimly lit by street lights, and at that instant as the bus drove over a turn, there was a sign, illuminated brightly by a street lamp, "STAY ON TRACK". And it just broke forth through the dark clouds of my spirit and I felt that God had spoken through that sign, all those times that I have passed by that road, it was only that night that I saw it. And I was comforted. Just when I was ready to throw in the towel and take matters into my own hand and forsake my faith, God came through for me.

That Sunday, I was delivered.And for the first time there weren't many voices inside my head, and yes, I sometimes feel the searing pain in my heart and feel lonely especially when I am with the crowd, quite funny right? I have never felt lonely when I am alone, I feel lonely when I am with others. But it just leads me back to Jesus's feet, and I remember His word that says that He'll never leave me nor forsake me.

Why this Blog?

2006-07-31T05:24:29+02:00

I just heard a girl on the radio asking about situational depression and if that can lead to chemical depression... she's been through a couple of bad years and said she doesn't do drugs and didn't want to resort to anti-depressants - the guys on the radio (musician) both recommended that Linsey take the therapists advice and go on drugs. How convenient. How easy. "I went through a divorce, and taking drugs isn't going to change that." she said. Darn straight. I wanted to tell her that only time can heal - or at least that was my experience. But she listening to these jocks on ClearChannel - so I start this blog in hopes of being able to listening to other peoples pain and maybe save them from going the medication route. Maybe those whose hearts have healed can help those whose are broken.-Sympathetic