Last posts on divorce

Married, Dreaming of Divorce

2008-08-27T17:25:00+02:00

An essay at Oprah.com strikes me as funny and true, particularly as I am reading Adam Bede, in which even giving a man goo-goo eyes is reason enough to keep a girl from becoming someone else's respectable wife. Divorce? Ha! Better to drown yourself in a pond.

She's happily married, dreaming of divorce

Funny:

"Nor is Will the Very Bad Man that I've made him out to be. Rather, like every other male I know, he is merely a Moderately Bad Man, the kind of man who will leave his longboat-sized shoes directly in the flow of our home's traffic so that one day I'll trip over them, break my neck, and die, after which he'll walk home from the morgue, grief-stricken, take off his shoes with a heavy heart, and leave them in the center of the room until they kill the housekeeper. Everyman."

(No doubt men can think of Everywoman traits that are equally appalling.)

True:

"Women don't view divorce as a scary, shadowy behemoth. It's an unpalatable yet manageable task -- like changing schools or extreme dieting -- that may or may not yield a better result.. ... We can admit that our marriages aren't lambent, lyrical ice-dancing routines and still decide to push on together to the final flying sit spin. We also realize that divorce is an alternative that's fully within reach, be it now or later or never."

Moving On

2008-08-04T23:37:00+02:00

I'll go on

while we stop sharing

and start anew

and I'll go on

as we disentangle our lives

and divide our common goods

as life steers us further apart

and when you meet someone new

I'll go on

... loving you

Do You Suspect Your Partner Cheating ??

2008-05-16T05:20:00+02:00

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Relationship help

2006-10-05T15:39:27+02:00

Lately, my husband and I are never on the same page at the same time. We both work crazy hours and are wrapped up in our stresses sometimes. I try, very hard, to be open to what is going on in his world. I also try to be involved in it. He doesn't always let me, and so I retreat back to my own world. We don't seem to be as connected as we once were. I know that we need some relationship help, but I'm not ready to reach out to a counselor yet. I know that if we just make a point of freeing up some time to devote to one another and "us", that we can get a great deal of relationship help from bonding again. In fact, I made reservations for a weekend beach escape for us this month. I think that will provide a great amount of relationship help to us. If that doesn't help, I will then be willing to reach out for some professional relationship help before I continue to move forward feeling like I'm alone.Many couples feel my pain. In fact, I am willing to bet that the majority of relationships out there have not experienced a time when they needed some relationship help. Granted, many couples are able to intervene and figure things out for themselves. Others, don't want any relationship help, they want a permanent exit. Divorces aren't a big deal anymore these days. Why? Because people aren't willing to seek relationship help. They just want to find the nearest exit door. I didn't get married to get divorced. I vowed for better or worse and I'm still sticking to that. Every marriage or relationship finds some rough patches. That's perfectly normal. When you are having issues getting past that patch and aren't sure how to proceed, you may want to get some relationship help. That doesn't necessarily mean marriage counseling. The best relationship help is communication. Sitting down and telling your partner how you feel and what you want to fix, is the best place to start. By being able to communicate, even if you still don't know what to do about your rough patches, can open up many doors. Listening to each other's needs and feelings can aid the partner in seeing things differently. A new door may be opened that never even existed. A vacation or any time away from your normal environment may be a great means of relationship help. This will remove both of you from everyday stress and distractions and let you focus on one another. Hopefully, the environment will be more relaxing and both partners will feel that relaxation. When people are calmer and more relaxed, their guards are down and more can be accomplished. It can be an excellent time to reconnect.If you are in serious need of relationship help, reach out to a marriage counselor. They may be able to help you save your commitment.

Good as Gold.

2006-08-01T02:03:21+02:00

I've never really thought about it too hard, but I've never evaluated the certain things that would make me want a divorce whenever I get older and married. I guess from my parent's divorce and not wanting them to split up because of my mom's infidelity and lack of faith, I've come to the point where I think I'd probably tolerate one or two slip ups. Of course it'll probably be a different story when I get there and it may actually happen, but at this point, I wouldn't want one simple one night stand to ruin my entire marriage. But then I have to take into consideration, "What if it weren't a one night stand? What if it were a whole nother relationship? A girlfriend on the side?" I don't know. Really, as far as cheating goes, I'm pretty lax about it. Not lax, but I think I'd condone pretty much anything in that has to do with being with another woman.So that leads me to wonder what else would there be for me to want a divorce so badly that I act on that. Excessive fighting? Verbal and/or physical abuse? Distance? Irreconcilable differences? It's so hard to tell what may split up a marriage at the end of the day. I guess I just hope that it never happens to me. Divorce is an awful thing, really. But there is in fact life after love, Cher, and someday, if I really have to, I will prove it. I will.

A move to make your head spin.

2006-07-31T03:55:00+02:00

My brothers and I helped my mom move this weekend. I didn't post on here about her having to move because it was really too personal of a problem to say, but for a while, she had to move out but didn't have anywhere to go. She found this apartment on the beach in Hollywood, but they kept refusing to give her the keyes even though she was aproved and everything... But eventually, they finally informed her that they apartment they had promised her was already rented. I'm still kind of upset about that because personally, if you've already promised someone an apartment, you don't go ahead and rent it to someone else. Maybe there were other reasons that the apartment went to someone else, but it still bothers me; it bothers me even more to say there may have been other reasons just because I think that's an incredibly rude thing to do.Anyway, my mom found a place. It's still in Hollywood. It's a cute little neighborhood, but the place she rented, well it's not really an apartment. It's a room on the side of a house. Honestly, when I think about it, it's not so bad. We're only spending about 36 hours there, if not less or maybe a little more. But the part that really annoys me the most is that we're spending our weekends cooped up in a little hole in the wall. If it were during the week, I really wouldn't mind, and the same went for how I felt about being with my mom even when she was in the old apartment. I'd much rather spend my time with my mom during the week than the weekend. It makes it even more evident that I need to spend my time here at my dad's on the weekend just because she's moved out way farther east than she already was. I don't know what to tell her though because I know it'll hurt her feelings. I don't want her to think that I don't want to spend any time with her because that isn't true. But I also don't want to not be able to spend time with my friends, especially now that I'm going into high school. For a while, I just don't go over during the weekends I want to hang out with my friends, or if we've planned some sort of movie thing to go out or if I want to sleepover Winona's. But I think it's going to become more frequent. At one point during the year, my mom and her boyfriend (who I believe has no right to think anything at all regarding me and my time spent with my mom) started to accuse me of 'not loving' my mom at all and not wanting to spend time with them and my brothers. I know it hurts her feelings that I don't go over sometimes, but she can be so selfish about it all. Everything has to work around her schedule and she has to have us when it's most appropriate for her. I know I sound selfish too, but honestly, I think it's kind of fair. I'm a kid and I need to be with my friends. Shaun's getting old enough where he's going to start wanting to hang around with his friends at places I go, too, like the mall and the movies. I just think it would be fairer (is that a word?) if we got to spend our time with our mom during the week. But of course, her moving out east makes that even harder too because each of us has to wake up at a different time to go to a different school: Dave, 6:30, SPE. Shaun, 7:30, WCYM. Me, 5:45, FHS.I guess things'll get easier when I start driving. I can take myself to her place and to school, but by that time, hopefully she'll have moved out of that rat hole. The lease is for a year. Thinking about spending all my weekends there, 56 total, it's just an awful, terrible thought. And it sounds awfully long. But when I think about it as the school year, the entire 9th grade year and a little bit of summer, it's really not so bad. I think I'll start trying to look on the up side, if that's even possible with this shack. Anyway, I'll try.

The Toronto Law Chambers, A Prominent Law Firm Aggressively Practices Law The Way Law Should Always Be Practiced!

2006-06-06T23:50:00+02:00

Established in 1957, the Law Chambers of Irving Solnik have earned a solid reputation for providing the highest quality legal services in a broad range of substantive areas. Our pragmatism, our aggressive use of technology and our dedication to client satisfaction distinguishes us from our peers in the legal community.We have over four decades of experience in the areas of Intellectual Property, Business Law, Employment Law, Wrongful Termination, Personal Injury and in most areas in the broad spectrum of law. Moreover we take an innovative approach to meeting our clients' needs, including devising highly effective strategies and tactics for legal matters, developing special relationships with clients and designing special or alternative fee arrangements to meet clients' needs.We invite you to explore our weblog to learn more about the Law Chambers of Irving Solnik and what we have to offer.The Law Chambers of Irving Solnik, A Full Service Law Firm Aggressively Practises The Entire Spectrum Of Law! IRVING SOLNIK IS DIPLOMATIC, TOUGH AND ONE OF THE VERY BEST TORONTO LAWYERS FOR ALL LEGAL ISSUES AND MATTERS!WHEN YOU NEED THE TOUGHEST, FEARLESS, THE BEST AND THE RIGHT LAWYER FOR ANY REASON............ CALL (416) 932-8509 AND TALK TO IRVING SOLNIK AT NO COST OR OBLIGATION! 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"I always do whatever it takes, never give up, am fearless and practice virtually every aspect of law-from commonplace matters such as: real estate, divorce, custody and child abduction on the one hand to libel, slander and other highly complicated, extremely serious matters including civil/criminal litigation of all kinds.”When you need a lawyer no matter the reason call me and you will find that I always do whatever it takes with no holds barred, I also provide prompt personal service.With many years experience in law there is very little in law I have not practiced. Likewise I possess extensive experience in business, having been involved in many companies as in house counsel, CEO, sales, marketing, advertising manager and other senior executive positions.I have also been a builder and developer and built apartment and office buildings, shopping center and condominium and subdivided and improved land. Thus I became an expert in real estate law as well as in most other fields of law.But my greatest love is law-the practice of law and no matter what, the diversity of my law practice and the enjoyment I obtain from practicing most aspects of law is exponentially greater than that of business and real estate.My love of practicing law exceeds many times the enjoyment I obtain in business and real estate notwithstanding that in law I can make only a fraction of the money that I can make in business and real estate.After being involved in businesses and real estate for several years I realized how much I missed the practice of law. I then divested myself of my business and real estate interests to practice law full time, often into the wee hours of the days.My knowledge in many arenas of law and other subjects is extensive and my tongue can be more cutting than a lash-an invaluable tool in law-in the courts and at the negotiating tables. No matter what category of law is involved I am at invariably at ease practicing it.When you need a tough lawyer who never gives up and always does whatever it takes with no holds barred, contact me. No matter what the legal issue is I am more than capable of looking after it to your complete satisfaction.ANATOMY OF CHILD ABDUCTION BY A PARENT:I became a tough lawyer and major legal strategist to literally survive because I was personally pitted against a massive coterie of the finest and most expensive lawyers in the USA and Canada who acted for my ex wife after we were divorced and she illegally abducted our two young sons after I won custody.........Yes, I won custody of our two young sons no matter the skills, experience and exceptionally large retainers her lawyers commanded.My many strengths in law include negotiations, litigation (I am an outstanding and charismatic public speaker and motivator), family law in all its aspects, having personally been involved in a nightmare divorce and custody case that she instituted that lasted over six years.The strengths and talent I possess also extend to most other areas of law and they finally manifested themselves after the legal battles began.My ex-wife illegally abducted-kidnapped-our two sons twice after I was awarded sole custody of them because the Court decided that it was in their best interests that I have custody-in what may be well the toughest and most expensive custody case in history.The case went all the way to the Supreme Court of Canada and the court refused to hear it.The appeal was made by my ex-wife backed by her multi-millionaire parents and the refusal of the Court to hear it meant that the decision of the Court of Appeal was upheld.However this did not deter my ex wife, her parents and other conspirators from kidnapping them again. It is truly a tale of horror and horrendous in many ways so much so that it was only recently that I gained the emotional strength to write about it.My ex father-in-law was estimated to be worth several hundred million dollars although he stated when cross examined as a witness that he was not worth several hundred million dollars but a lesser sum.Be that as it may, he retained for my ex-wife-his daughter, the law firm of Vinson, Elkins, the venerable, highly respected and major law firm of Houston, believed by many to be the most poweful law firm in the world (and for good reason-details are available on request).Vinson, Elkins participated in the kidnapping of my two young sons.Not only did they create the plan for the kidnapping together with other evil conspirators some of whom were highly placed individuals-a law professor, doctors, politicians, a reporter, a chief of police and even court officials to name but a few.Complete histories, names and actions of the conspirators are in the process of being written in detail.A front page feature story in the Globe & Mail at the time had headlines that blared: "MILLIONS SPENT ON CUSTODY ROW"I have difficulty even thinking about the millions of dollars I spent for legal fees and related costs whereas it is estimated that my ex father in law spent fifty times as much for my ex wife, not that it helped me.I learned more about law, litigation, negotiations, strategies, tactics and court protocol during more than six years in Texas and Ontario courts-more than I learned in law school, many years of practice and more than most lawyers learn in a lifetime.The story is substantially told in in full in the following weblog where you can read about it and all that was entailed. I still find it difficult to believe that I was able to withstand the horrors and pain I went though and the pain is still there.Click on the following link to read substantially the full story in all its horror or copy and paste the link below into your address bar. You will find it fascinating and sick that I was able to withstand the onslaught. However that I survived intact, physically and emotionally is in itself a rather minor miracle and even allowed me to find inner strength I never knew I had. Read all about it at: http://www.abductedchildren.blogspot.comTo state that I was stunned beyond belief when I found out who all the conspirators were is the understatement of the century.The one saving grace was that a Judge, in Ontario, a rarity-a truly honest man who was to hear part of the lawsuit called and advised me that he had been offered a bribe by a former chief of police but refused to accept it.He then called to find out if I wanted him to recuse himself from being the presiding judge. I thanked him and asked that he remain as the judge and he did .I won every court battle but lost the war because after they were kidnapped again I could not locate them anywhere-thats what many millions of dollars can do.It is now some twenty years since I have seen or heard of them. The pain has not diminished but at least now I can talk and write about it.Undoubtedly aside from the above, one of the prime factors in my success in law and in business is a result of my intensive study of war strategies and the book "The Art of War" written some three thousand years ago by the famous Chinese strategist, Sun Tzu, considered to be perhaps the greatest military strategist ever.He was a contemporary of Confucius and the strategies he created work equally well now if not better than 3000 years ago.I was able, after intensive study, (I had the book translated for me from Chinese into English) to modify and adapt the strategies of Sun Tzu to law, business and real estate.I also developed a number of highly effective strategies of my own that produced results that were often spectacular. The strategies I created in law now enure to the benefit of my clients.When you need a lawyer who is tenacious, fearless, experienced and awesome call me at:(416) 854-7059 anytime.And I mean anytime-including weekends and evenings. I take legal aid cases for those that have just cause and contingency cases too. Or send an email to me at: solniklaw@lawyer.comWhen you need a tough and awesome lawyer who is fearless and a fierce adversary-whether the matter is commonplace or serious and complicated, call me.There are few lawyers if any who will do all that I will and I make house calls too!Because of the personal service I provide, time and effort I personally devote to all my clients I must limit new clients to but a few at any given time, so act now and call me today for a free consultation.I am a tough but compassionate lawyer and wholly devoted to my clients. My patience is legend as is my persistence and tenacity.MY LEGAL NIGHTMARES BECOME A REALITY! My worst nightmares in my practice of law take place when clients lie to me or under oath and refuse to tell the truth- I then refuse to continue acting for them and immediately resign as their lawyer.Read on and see how "John" lost potentially millions of dollars in damages during a lawsuit for libel and slander because he lied to me and to others under oath!It does not matter that the issue involve divorce, libel and slander, immigration, medical malpractice, criminal or civil matters. It does not matter that clients' intention were well meant. What does matter is the lies that I was told not only offend my moral and legal principles but they cast me in the role of having participated in the falsehoods.One of my clients who of necessity must remain anonymous was libeled by a well known newspaper. The libel was horrific and malicious, possibly criminally malicious. I had believed all that he told me-there was no reason for him to lie.I then commenced a libel action against the newspaper. They had published a photo of him in an alleged police line up and at the top of the photo was a heading entitled "The Mad Killer." In fact my client had never committed any crime but the newspaper in effect stated that he was the mad dog killer for a band of bank robbers and he effectively terminated whomsoever his bosses wanted to so do.The libel and defamation of his character in fact ruined my client's character and reputation completely. He was fired from a well paid position; neighbors refused to talk to him or his wife; when he went shopping he was stalked by security people and shunned by other store customers. All of that he faced resulted in his attempt at suicide. The he began drinking heavily and fell into the black jaws of deep depression-there seemed to way out. All the friends and relatives he and his wife had made over the years simply disappeared-it was as if he never existed.After several months of being shunned, ridiculed and ostracised his wife of many years could not take any more and he was forced to leave their home. He became a homeless individual and joined the thousands of homeless who roam our streets and parks-many are truly ill and many had no choice as John (my client's nom de plume). His health plummeted. He life as far as he was concerned was over.I did my utmost to return him to a degree of normality and pointed out to him that the libel action would not only clear his name and reputation if it was successful but he would be awarded substantial damages-perhaps in the millions-the law suit with punitive damages could readily yield many million dollars in damages.It was his only hope of survival and the possibility of a return to normalcy.As the lawsuit continued he was subjected to a cross examination under oath by the attorney for the newspaper and during it several small but ostensibly minor discrepancies appeared in his testimony-far far unusual in such examinations and I was not particularly concerned because they were minor and dealt with minor matters.How wrong I was as it turned out to be. The newspaper and its attorney retained private investigators who examined all they could about John's background and what they found left me in a state of shock and speechless if the findings were true.The newspaper then acted quite decently in that they agreed not ask John for costs that were substantial if he consented to withdraw the action. He finally so agreed.If John had been fully truthful with me and not lied under oath he could well have obtained substantial damages-in the millions because that which he lied about was not of a major significant nature. After he received the offer to settle he nevertheless wanted to continue the action.I advised him then that I would no longer act as his lawyer in keeping with my principles and yes, he could have won the lawsuit but in my opinion he would have received token damages at best.Had John not lied he could well have been awarded damages in the millions-even the newspaper afterwards advised me through their lawyer that John had an excellent opportunity to succeed in the law suit.Unfortunately it is almost commonplace for clients to lie to their lawyers and invariably when the truth becomes know they usually lose any litigation action that they may be involved in. The Pain Of Legal Problems Is Horrific!The Pain Caused By Existing Or Threatening Legal Problems Or Matters Including Divorce And Income Tax Is Horrific And Can Cause Excruciating Pain And Worse!Irving Solnik, the brilliant lawyer is also a healer who can can remedy and heal the cause or source of your pain, often quickly and rid you of the pain you suffer-if you let him!The life of a tough busy lawyer and some of fascinating cases in most fields of law is revealed in this post for the first time ever. The post also contains an important caveat-"When Divorce Threatens." In such cases the true tragedies are almost invariably the children because more and more either or both parents use the children as pawns-mostly to wreak vengeance on each other. As a result the pain caused by the legal problems is horrific especially on the children but also on the parent who does not use the children as a pawn as the other parent does.If divorces or any legal problem threatens, you will quickly find out what you must do. I recommend that you quickly retain a lawyer-one who is tough, indefatigable and always does whatever it takes. It need not be me but whoever it is must be as I am, tough, indefatigable and all else necessary to succeed. I know only to well whereof I write. My ex wife kidnapped our two young sons after I won custody and after well over six years most of which were spent in courts and hearings that cost me millions of dollars; I became what I am now-tough, aggressive, fearless and more. Only my adversaries need to be concerned because of my tenacious persistence, aggressiveness, fearless, knowledge, strategies and tactics I created and utilize-in the courts and at the negotiating tables. My clients on the other hand will find me compassionate, patient and deeply concerned about them at all times.IRVING SOLNIK IS A TOUGH, BRILLIANT TORONTO LAWYER, A LEGAL GENIUS AND THE BEST YOU WILL FIND! HE PRACTICES TAX LAW (income tax and amnesty), FAMILY LAW (divorce and related issues), CIVIL LAW (companies, business, ventures, torts, contracts and agreements), MEDICAL MALPRACTICE and CRIMINAL LAW (serious crimes only), CIVIL AND CRIMINAL LITIGATION AND MOST AREAS OF LAW!“I have many years of successful experience and an encyclopedic knowledge of law that is awesome. What’s more I practice law the way law should be practiced and greatly excel in most areas of law including litigation. ““The areas I most commonly practices are taxation, divorce, immigration, accidents, business law, taxation, corporations and numerous other commonplace matters on the one hand, libel and slander and complex matters including civil/criminal litigation on the other hand. ““I am tough, fearless, indefatigable and always does whatever it takes and am a formidable opponent in the courtrooms and at the negotiating tables and “losing” is not in my vocabulary. I also provide personal service and can be contacted evenings and weekends.”FINDING THE FINEST LAWYER SHOULD NOT BE A TRIAL! Finding the finest Toronto lawyer should not be a trial itself but it commonly is these days. It need not be if you if you retain me. I am one of the best and toughest of lawyers. When you need a lawyer for any legal matter no matter what it is call me. I am also master legal strategist who will look after all your legal needs.Aside from being tough, I also compassionate especially for my clients but his adversaries at the negotiating tables or in court would never know it. My experience of many years are not only in most aspects of law but in business, mysticism, writing, teaching, exploring, seeing, doing and much more worldwide. I always do whatever it takes for clients, with no holds barred.My knowledge in many arenas is extensive and encyclopedic and my tongue can be the worst of lashes. Lord Tennyson in his epic poem "Ulysses" wrote it far better than I ever could:"For always roaming with a hungry heart, much have I seen and known ; cities of men and manners, climates, councils, governments, myself not least, but honour'd of them all;And drunk delight of battle with my peers, far on the ringing plains of windy Troy. I am a part of all that I have met; Yet all experience is an arch where thro' gleams that untravell'd world, whose margin fades for ever and for ever when I move. " No matter what category of law is involved I can successfully look after it and my clients are always first and foremost.My tenacity and persistence is legend. I also make house calls, am on call 24/7 and can also be reached evenings and weekends. I also provide prompt personal service, a rarity today.What’s more I accept legal aid when the cause is just and contingency cases too. I also provide free legal advice.My experience includes a disastrous episode in my life that I could well do without. But to every disadvantage there is advantage.In almost all legal matters time can be of the essence and please don’t fall into the trap of waiting, hoping or doing nothing. When you need advice, help or assistance in any legal matter, call me. There is little in law that I can’t successfully practice. Call (416) 932-8509 anytime including evenings and weekends or send an email to: solniklaw@lawyer.comBecause I personally devote my time and effort to all clients I can accept only with a limited number of new clients at any given time. I suggest you call me as quickly as you can.Time waits for no man and this window of opportunity is open only for a short time. Act on it.AN IMPORTANT CAVEAT ABOUT DIVORCE:Why You Need And Why You Should Get A Lawyer If The Possibility Of A Divorce Exists!Know Your Rights and Obligations Before Its Too Late Especially When There are Children! Getting divorced is a frustrating and expensive time. First you must try to find the right lawyer who is tough and experienced and who provides personal service including returning your calls promptly. Then you must chase your Ex to sign paperwork if the divorce is not contested! It's HARD, frustrating and expensive. Then again you must deal with heartache, difficulty in concentrating and the inevitable pain caused by divorce. I am certain you know what I mean."Get a lawyer" is often the first thing that someone facing divorce is advised by family and friends.For the person whose life has just gone off track, who wants more than anything to get back to "life as usual," that advice can seem cold. The reality is that legal advice and help is critical even if all it involves is a preliminary consultation. Contacting a lawyer should not signal a bloody war between spouses but rather to protect each person's interests at a very stressful and emotional time. Yet a bloody signal is almost invariably made and all too often when there are children. Here's what ONE CLIENT wrote regarding the advice to newcomers to RETAIN A LAWYER."I am reconciled with my husband." That said, my first advice is still usually "get a lawyer-know your rights and responsibilities." The reason for this is that many people who wind up with lawyer are not necessarily getting divorced -- they are being divorced. "Can you forgive him or her" is irrelevant when the other spouse doesn't give a damn if you forgive them, beg, plead, crawl or just go away and die."When we were first starting our divorce, I was unemployed, but we had savings, I had the house, and I knew I would get a job. I wasn't worried about being homeless or starving, or any of the things that seem to traumatize people at the beginning of this process. "Divorce is an emotional, thought-provoking time in people's lives, and unfortunately, that is usually NOT the best time to be making decisions that could have life-long consequences. Also unfortunately that is how this process works. Since it is a legal process that can occur totally without someone's consent, having a third party who is emotionally neutral but legally advocating for you can make worlds of difference. It takes two people to make or save a marriage -- it only takes one to get a divorce. Many times, the spouse who has asked for the divorce has already done their emotional separating, their "grieving" for the end of the marriage, and their research on just how to get out. The spouse that gets the surprise "I want a divorce" starts out already behind the 8-ball.When people come here asking, "What will happen to me?", "Can he throw me out of my house?", "Can she take my kids away from me?" Can he keep everything because I haven't worked outside the home in 15 years?" Then my first advice will still be "Get a lawyer." Reconciliation, counseling, etc. can happen at any point in the process, but the time to protect yourself now is to cover your unprotected behind, your a$$, before you get frostbite.When you get a lawyer, retain the right one-a lawyer who is tough and experienced and who always does whatever it takes, is fearless, indefatigable and a formidable opponent. Need I say more? Call me!A SPECTACULAR STRATEGY ENABLED A CLIENT TO WIN CUSTODY OF HER THREE YEAR OLD SON IN ONLY THREE MONTHS!Obtaining custody usually takes many months, even years yet I was successful in only three months!Ramona is a lovely and gentle lady and father who appears many years younger than she is. She has three children ages 19, 15 and three. She, her husband, her sisters, children and parents moved to Canada from a country governed by an infamous dictator, to be free and ensure the education of her children in Toronto, Canada.After several years living here she decided that she wanted sole custody of her three year old son and a restraining order against her husband so that he is prevented from kidnapping their three year old son and to have limited and supervised access to him. She was fully justified in so doing because her husband had become a criminal and drug trafficker. To boot he had a temper he could not manage and was often violent in many ways. He frequently beat her but she remained silent out of fear for herself and fear that he would do likewise to the children.He had been arrested and ordered deported from Canada and was free on bail that she put up because of her fear that if she did not do so she and her three year old son would suffer disastrous consequences.Her husband had often told her that one day when she least expect it he would kidnap the child and remove him to a far and distant country where she would never again see her son.The entire family came from a country that had no treaty with Canada about deportation and as a result he would be kept detained and locked up until Canada would find a country that would accept him.In the meantime Ramona lived in constant fear that not only greatly affected her emotionally but was beginning to affect her physically because of the unending stress. What was she to do as she lived in a nightmare of fear and anxiety?After much soul searching she realized that she must have help for herself and the children. She went to the police but because she lacked evidence they refused to become involved.Finally she decided to see a lawyer. But what lawyer should see. She did not know any lawyers. By coincidence she heard about me even though she did not have any money to pay a lawyer. She made an appointment to see me and I listened to her tail of woe.When she said she had no money I advised her to see Legal Aid Ontario and if they would not help her I would do so on a pro bono basis. She then went to legal aid and after I sent them a letter, Legal Aid provided her with a certificate that they would pay their customary legal fees based on their tariff.The fees paid by Legal Aid to lawyers are substantially less than I and most lawyers customarily charge and the hours put in by the lawyer are often far less than needed to ensure justice is done. Nevertheless I agreed to act for her and she succeeded in winning custody.I then filed the necessary documents for a motion to be heard by a Judge requesting that she ask the court for sole custody, that her husband be restrained from seeing or having anything whatsoever to do with her three year old or her and that the police intervene if necessary.I also asked that the action I brought was to be on a ex parte basis- i.e. that her husband be given no notice of the proceedings. The Judge was reluctant to do so notwithstanding the overwhelming evidence. I addressed the Judges concerns and injected what I thought was essential and why. I pointed out that if the order was not obtained as requested, a major disaster was but waiting in the wings to take place. After addressing the Judge for well over an hour the Judge agreed to issue a temporary order for sole custody and likewise a restraining order. However the husband was to be served with the order within twelve days so that he could present his side of the matter.Ramona then tearfully thanked the Judge and the Judge said to her “Don’t thank me, thank your lawyer.” This made feel good.Ramona’s older sister was able to serve the documents on Ramona’s husband and a date for a hearing at which he could appear and argue against the Judge’s order and a date about one month later was set.At the hearing Ramona’s husband appeared in person but without a lawyer even though he opposed the interim order. Finally the judge set another date about six weeks later so that her husband could retain counsel. During this time the interim order was allowed to remain in force. The weeks went by quickly and at the hearing Ramona’s husband did not appear in person or by counsel. The court decided to wait an hour before the hearing was under way but I was more than surprised that a different Judge was presiding.The Judge read all the documents and decided there was insufficient evidence to make the interim orders permanent.I was suddenly shocked beyond belief when I heard the words the Judge then uttered. The entire hearing should not have taken more than five minutes especially because Ramon’s husband had not appeared but it lasted about two hours because of my legal arguments.I argued most forcefully and again pointed out the overwhelming evidence and not matter how I tried my words fell on deaf ears. I pointed out the overwhelming evidence and simply stated there was not any more. In actual fact there was no further evidence and I had a sinking feeling. The new Judge for all intents and purposes had overruled the orders of the first Judge but allowed them to stay in effect for two weeks when we to appear with additional evidence the Judge insisted upon.For one of the few times in my life I was at a loss for words, Ramona was extremely upset and on the verge of breaking down.I comforted her as best I could and she then left to return home. I said that I would contact her shortly and that I believed justice would triumph in the end.I went through all the documents and evidence with a fine tooth comb but could not find anything new and then decided not to think about the case for a while so that my mind could focus without the element of emotion.Days went by and I could not come up with anything new and finally, three days before the hearing a new thought began to crystallize in my mind. It was a long shot by any stretch of the imagination.I then called Ramona and told her I wanted her to write in her own words how she felt, all that her husband had done in the past and what he could and likely would do in the future if the orders were not made permanent. I wanted a tear jerker and told Ramona to write everything she could think that might appeal to the Judge.Finally the night before the hearing Ramona dropped the letter off at my office and when I read it I knew we had struck oil. If Ramona’s letter failed, disaster was waiting in the wings and about to pounce with a vengeance.The next morning we appeared before the Judge and I asked her permission to file it with her since there had been to time to file the letter otherwise with the court. The Judge agreed, took the letter and retired to judge’s chambers. About fifteen minutes passed before the Judge reappeared and we were in for a major shock. The Judge then announced that the order was made permanent. We could scarcely believe our ears but were all delighted, a gross understatement. We were all ecstatic.Ramona and her three year old son were safe at last. By far most custody cases takes many months and often years to resolve and because of my efforts and the strategy I used Ramona obtained sole custody of her three year old son in less than three months-perhaps a record time for custody.LEGAL STRATEGIES: The strategy I used in Ramona's case worked and worked well and the strategy is one I have used successfully in the past. Over the years I have developed a number of courtroom and negotiating strategies and tactics that have invariably produced spectacular results. My ability to do has been finely honed over the years by practice and through my studies of strategies for war. I have studied the greatest military strategists in history and am especially enthralled with the brilliance Sun Tsu, the famous Chinese, a contemporary of Confucius who espoused his strategies for war in his book “The Art Of War.” The strategies Sun Tsu created seem to work much better in the 21st century than they did some 3000 years ago. I have also adapted modified strategies for use in business and in the professions including law and I also created a number of highly effective strategies of my own.For all who are interested I have written a number of interesting and informative articles about my strategies and practice of law. They can be read at: http://irvingsolnik.blogster.com WHY RETAIN IRVING SOLNIK AS YOUR LAWYER?IRVING SOLNIK IS FEARLESS, AGGRESSIVE, AN INDEFATIGABLE LAWYER AND ONE OF THE VERY BEST TORONTO LAWYERS. HE PRACTICES TAX LAW (income tax and amnesty), FAMILY LAW (divorce and related issues), CIVIL LAW (companies, business, ventures, torts, contracts and agreements), MEDICAL MALPRACTICE and CRIMINAL LAW (serious crimes only), CIVIL AND CRIMINAL LITIGATION AND MOST AREAS OF LAW!“I have many years of successful experience and an encyclopedic knowledge of law that is awesome. What’s more I practice law the way law should be practiced and greatly excel in most areas of law. ““The areas I most commonly practices are taxation, divorce, immigration, accidents, business law, taxation, corporations and numerous other commonplace matters on the one hand, libel and slander and complex matters including civil/criminal litigation on the other hand. ““I am tough, fearless, indefatigable and always does whatever it takes and am a formidable opponent in the courtrooms and at the negotiating tables and “losing” is not in my vocabulary. I also provide personal service and can be contacted evenings and weekends.”My knowledge in many arenas is extensive and encyclopedic and my tongue can be the worst of lashes. My clients come first and foremost and all my knowledge, experience and abilities are provided to them including highly effective strategies I develop for each individual case. No matter what category of law is involved I can successfully look after it. My tenacity and persistence is legend. I also make house calls, am on call 24/7 and can also be reached evenings and weekends. I also provide prompt personal service, a rarity today.My experience includes a disastrous episode in my life that I could well do without. But to every disadvantage there is advantage.During all the years I spent in court fighting against some of the most brilliant and powerful lawyers anywhere I learned more about litigation, evidence, judges and juries, court room protocol, strategies and tactics and other ways of practicing law than most lawyers learn in a lifetime. I learned much more than in law school and more than in twenty years of practicing law, more than most lawyers learn in a lifetime. Their children were not kidnapped. All that I learned now enures to the benefit of my clients.WHAT TO DO WHEN A PARENT IS DENIED ACCESS TO CHILDREN BY THE OTHER PARENT?When separation or divorce has taken place it is apparent in many cases that when one parent has interim, joint or sole custody, the parent frequently denies access to the other. This normally occurs when the parent does not drop off the children for access or is not at home when the other parent arrives to pick up the children for access. Another form of denial is termed “over holding the children,” for example, returning the children late, at times by hours and at times for an entire night. Obviously the custodial parent becomes worried and concerned unless advised of the late return of the children. Denial of access or over holding is almost invariably more frequent at or during holidays and also when the parents live in different cities.From a legal point of view, the options for dealing with this tactic are rather limited as follows:1. Lawyers usually can’t do anything immediately because access changeovers often occur on or near weekends. Even if one lawyer manages to reach the other parent’s lawyer, chances are the other parent is not just denying access, but also avoiding their lawyer’s telephone calls.2. The police generally won’t help you. Normally the reason is that your agreement or court order isn’t specific enough. For example, if you have access every second weekend, it usually is unclear whether this is your access weekend or not. But even if your agreement or court order is specific, it is rare that the police will want to get involved unless there is a specific order in the court order that states the police are to intervene in such cases. Thus the police will usually advise you to speak with your lawyer.It’s extremely frustrating and aggravating for the parent who is to have the children as well as it is for the children. The time with and plans you made with your children are ruined without any notice. What to do? The following are suggestions:a. Don’t lose your temper and try to remain calm. If this is the first time it has happened, there may well be legitimate reasons why the other parent is delayed.b. If you have the opportunity, go to court on an urgent basis to get an order directing the police to enforce the visitation order. This is a good option for a longer access periods, for example, if the children were to spend their spring break with you.c. Keep trying to pick up your children. If you’re supposed to be spending a specific time period with your children, there’s nothing wrong with going to the other parent’s home many times to try to pick up your children. Even if the other parent is the one who is supposed to drop the children off at your home, it may make sense for you to try to pick up your children.d. Document everything. A stern letter should immediately be sent to the other parent or their lawyer. Such letters are normally not answered but they should be sent. A paper trail is created so that in the future you can show the other parent’s pattern of access denial.e. Demand make up time but this is usually feasible. Make up time is probably what’s best for the children but obviously the other parent does not think so.f. If a parent is persistently late returning the children, go to court to get the changeover time modified to an earlier time. Also, consider picking up the children yourself rather than relying on the other parent.g. If your case hasn’t been resolved yet (i.e. you only have a temporary or interim order for access), use the denials of access to build a case as to why you should get sole custody. One factor courts consider in awarding custody is the willingness of each parent to facilitate access to the child by the other parent.h. The last resort for dealing with persistent denial of access is to bring a contempt motion before the courts. There are difficulties in proceeding this way, but if the other parent is persistent in denying access you have no choice. The keyword is persistent-it generally is not worth going to court about an occasional missed access period.Access denial is more common than a lot of people would care to admit. It’s causes range from everything from that legal grey area immediately upon separation where there is no agreement or court order in place to cases where the court order in and of itself is vague and open to interpretation. A good strategy would be to focus on building a trail of evidence to show the steps a parent takes to respond to access denial in a peaceful and non-adversarial manner.It’s also good to be proactive. If a person has experienced access denial in the past or if access denial is a legitimate prospect, try sending your spouse advanced notice of your intention to access the children, usually via registered mail in high conflict cases, via email in moderate to low conflict cases.If the access denial still occurs, send your spouse a registered letter asking to resolve the issue via family mediation and list the names of some mediators.Encourage him/her to select one of the mediators, arrange for the appointment and offer to make yourself available. Give it a week for a response.If there is no response, or your spouse tells you to “pound salt”, now you have a small trail of evidence to show a judge the steps you took in resolving the conflict. It also shows the contrast between the parents who are mired in divorce conflict versus the parent who is looking for ways to resolve conflict. Rushing off to court, or even just sending nasty letters between lawyers, which is the instinct of most divorce lawyers and litigants, will generally just serve to heighten tension which may well result in future denials of access. There are a number of strategies and tactics that can be used to prevent denial of access or at least minimize it. Over the years I have developed such strategies that often have had spectacular success. They are based on the strategies of Sun Tsu, the renowned Chinese war strategist who espoused them in his book, “The Art Of War,” written some 3000 years ago. When legal problems of any kind occur, or legal matters arise and you need a lawyer with the unique, rare and extensive qualifications I possess,especially in law, dont wait because time is usually of the essence in most legal matters. Call me at (416) 932-8509 evenings and weekends to or send me an email at:solniklaw@lawyer.com