Last posts on family

Long time coming...EDM 191 and 192

2008-10-11T04:02:33+02:00

Well, I've been away from the EDM yahoo group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/everydaymatters) -- EVeryday Drawing Matters yahoo group...and they are almost at their 200th weekly challenge. I'm happy to say I've caught up to this week's, and last...but as for the bulk of the others? I have a long way to go! anyway, here they are: EDM 192 -- draw somethign that floats

From Everyday Matters Challenges (yahoo group)

And EDM 191 -- Draw paper money

From Everyday Matters Challenges (yahoo group)

Sorry about the wavy paper. I did the second on the backside of the first, and the sketchbook paper isn't strong enough for that. the money one is my favorite of the two...it commemorates a backyard camping adventure with our kids, one of their friends, and her mom. Six of us, hence the $6. It was a glorious starry sky, so we had no rainfly....sad to say, the rain came at 7 am...after a fitful night of sleeping, I was DRAGGING the next day. The water hyacinths was a quick draw near dusk. I'll try them again another time.

i hate papa

2008-09-10T12:53:32+02:00

i kno i should be happy now. living in spore.

i admit, at this age.. am considered lucky earning double what my friends are getting and i have a bf who is crazy about me.

but my family is a wrecked. mama just called. papa has cut off everything. when i say everything.. i mean money. damn! i dont kno what the fuck is wrong with him. he totally blew everything up. am not gonna lie.. but i hate him. i used to love him til death but no more.

he wanted to ruin my sister's future by forcing her to take up a business loan. i kno my dad. he did it to my 2 brothers. and now my lil sister. thank god i was matured enough to say no. but my little sis is still a baby. my dad shudnt force her to do something that she doesnt want to do. that's not how a dad should act.

anyway, because of this, papa threaten to cut my mum's life support. only until my sister signs the bank docs. but i told my mum that i'll do what ever i can to help. now am paying for the house (RM1k), my car which mama is using back in kl (RM350) and my credit car (RM400) on a monthly basis. Ive offered to provide mama another RM500 to settle the bills at home. i kno it aint much but that is what i can afford now.

need to look in a couple of month. probably i can try squeeze something and give mama more. plus am finishin my car loan soon. am planning to buy a car for her actually.. but we see how it goes. i pity her. he has been married to papa for 35 years. and papa still treats her like shit. my 2 brothers cant do anything now coz both of them are working for him. and they are paid by him.

i hate papa for hurting mama like this. currently am the only person that can help mama. make a living. i think i am the oldest 27year old girl in this whole freaking weird world. but it's alright. i kno am gonna take care of my mum. i want her to kno dat she can count on me like how i always counted on her in life.

i love to stay here and chat. but am too tired. ill ramble in another time. ill write more.

anyway.. welcome back bo :)

9 Tips For Taking Great Digital Photos

2008-08-04T09:38:46+02:00

IntroductionModern cameras are highly automatic in operation. They have auto focus and auto exposure. The camera will focus on the subject - often identified by a small circle or square at the centre of the viewfinder - and calculate an appropriate exposure by detecting the level of reflected light - usually from the same spot.A slight pressure on the shutter release will activate those two functions, without taking a picture. Further pressure on the shutter release will result in a photo being taken.1 Take care to Focus and Expose on the Subject of the ImageImagine you are taking a picture of your girl friend against the background of an interesting harbour. Your girl friend is six feet away while the harbour is around 50 feet away. You position your girl friend carefully - she is important to you - at one side of the picture with an interesting view of the harbour in the distance. Now do you want to focus on the harbour - or your girl friend? Position the square or circle at the centre of the viewfinder over the spot that you want to focus on and correctly expose - take a slight pressure on the shutter release - and keep that pressure while you move the camera to frame the image you want to take - then, and only then, push the shutter release fully down and take the photo. If you want to have everything in focus - then see 7 Depth of Field.2 Carefully Compose Your ShotBefore taking the picture take a careful last look through the viewfinder. Check the composition, and particularly that heads nd feet are included, and that all faces are visible in anything other the smallest of groups. With the camera taking care of focus and exposure - you have the time to concentrate on getting the composition perfect. Photographic amputation of limbs is unforgivable!3 Set the Colour Balance Correctly on the CameraDigital cameras have controls that allow the operator to set the nature of the lighting illuminating the subject. In general they will default to daylight, since shots are likely to be taken outdoors. On this setting, pictures taken indoors under artificial tungsten lighting will look yellow - they will have a yellow cast. Pictures taken under strip lighting will look green. Setting the camera appropriately will produce consistent balanced photographs. Look in the camera manual to see how to set the control - it is very easy. Flash guns produce a light, which is very similar in colour 'temperature' to that of daylight.4 Don't Expect Too Much from the On Camera FlashThe on camera flash is designed for convenience when shooting a small group of people. It will not illuminate a hall. When watching public events on the television it is somewhat surprising to see members of the audience in the Albert hall take a pocket camera out and shoot a picture with their flash. This is unlikely to be successful. Better to turn the sensitivity of the camera up - say to 800ASA - the 'film speed', or sensitivity. This might produce a better result. Do not confuse sensitivity of the camera with shutter speed. They are different. An on camera flash will illuminate only a short distance - as a guide pick up your cat firmly with two hands by the tail and swing it around at arms length - that is the sort of distance the flash will illuminate!5 A Tripod is Essential for Long Distance ShotsMost modern digital cameras come with a zoom lens that can take both wide angle and telephoto shots. This is extremely useful. However remember that when the camera is on its furthest telephoto setting, camera shake will become a problem. If you are taking a telephoto shot and the camera chooses a slow to medium shutter speed, the result might be blurred due to the movement of your hands while taking the exposure. Use a tripod - all wildlife photographers use them. They are a pain to carry but improve quality by orders of magnitude.6 Fast Moving Subject Require a Fast Shutter SpeedThe shutter is that part of the camera which opens briefly to allow light to strike the sensitive surface of the detector to produce an image. Fast moving object require extremely short shutter speeds in order to capture a crisp sharp image. Slower shutter speeds will produce a blur as the object moves. In general outdoor photography a shutter speed of 1/60th or 1/125th second will be acceptable. In contrast, shooting a formula one car in motion will require shutter speed of say 1/1000th of a second.7 A little About Depth of FieldIn days past, a photographer would measure the level of light at a location with a light meter and then calculate the best combination of shutter speed and aperture to correctly expose the film. This is now done automatically by the camera. Aperture is the measure of how much light is passing through the lens. The lens has an iris, which can be 'stopped down' to reduce the amount of light passing through the lens. A fully open lens will pass the greatest amount of light - full aperture - but this also reduces the 'depth of field'. The depth of field is the band of distance over which the subject is in focus. In 1 above, with full aperture either your girl friend or the harbour is in focus - but not both. By 'stopping down' the lens - reducing the aperture - both can be brought into focus. But as a consequence the amount of light passing through the lens is reduced. The length of time which the shutter is open will have to be increased to compensate.8 When taking Landscapes Avoid Putting the Horizon Across the Centre of the ImageDrawing the picture horizon in the middle of the image simply looks naff. It divides the picture in to two and fails to engage the viewer. Best to concentrate on the sky or the foreground. Photograph a setting sun with red sky, or a rainbow with the horizon low in the picture. Or concentrate on the landscape and place the horizon high in the picture.9 Be Aware of the Effects of Back LightingLet us go back to the example given in Hint 1. Imagine that in the picture of your girl friend in front of the harbour, the sun is setting, casting its golden rays across the sea and reflecting on the masts and other metal objects of the harbour with white clouds illuminated red in the dying rays of the sun. An evocative and romantic shot. Taking the shot with the camera will result in a beautiful background but a black shadow of a girl friend! Now that might be appropriate should you have had a particularly bad day with her and it might correctly reflect the mood. However using the on camera flash to fill in the darkness - to illuminate her face and show her features might be more appropriate on a better day!Christopher Thomas is both keen photographer and company director of Viewlink Ltd based in Amersham, Uk. The company focusses on digital photo developing for both amateur and commercial photographers. For more articles by Christopher Thomas please visit the company website at http://www.view-link.com

Wedding bells

2008-07-21T22:15:19+02:00

Mike & Maria's wedding

My youngest son Mike got married July 12th 2008.

It was a very special day for me. It was the first time one of my kids got married, so that in it self is special. But to sit there so close watching two people committing themselves to each other for life, is very special. Remembering that day some 29 years ago - I was only 20 years old. It rained that day too, but we were inside ;-) There are many things I would do different over the many years of marriage. The biggest difference would be how I used my time. Much too much time was at work while my kids were small. Why do so many men do that?

So Mike my advise to you: Put first your wife and to come your children before your work. Then in 29 years you will not regret you did not use more time with them!

Mike thank you for letting me be next to you as you made one of your biggest commitment in your life.

3 generations

2008-06-17T20:23:10+02:00

Anyway, this is what happened, somehow it sounds like a crazy story to me, but it’s mostly just sad news. The first bit of sad news is that Ned’s dad’s cancer is back, he’s got a small node that seem to be growing, it’s not eminent, but it seem to be pretty active, he’s going to have to go through treatment again. They are going to try some new non intrusive experimental thing, that seem to be working really well in a pretty small amount of the cases, and if that doesn’t work, the dr.s are talking about stem cell transplant, which is a pretty drastic process, I’m trying to learn as much about it as I can, just to feel less helpless in this. It’s really sad cause He’s been doing so well lately, and getting more and more into photography and planning for the future and so on, we just started thinking about putting up a show of Ned, me and his dad in the family store in state collage one weekend this summer and he’s been really excited about it.

So far it seem that the main thing both Ned’s dad and Ned’s mom are trying to do is to distract themselves from the whole thing, they visit a lot of friends and go out and they plan to go for a 10 days vacation in Spain before the treatments start. Which leaves Ned feeling really lonely and sad with all this, which means, that he sleeps a lot and just feels really low and down, I try to help, but there’s really not a lot I can do, plus, I’m starting to get upset about him checking out on life for the past week or so. I hope things will get better soon.

On top of that, Ned went to get some physical checkups for his birthday, after not going to the doctor for about 10 years, and of course, they came back with “everything is great but you have to change your diet cause your cholesterol is too high”, not surprising at all, and yet, pretty annoying especially since this would be a good time to take some comfort in food and ice cream and so on. He’s really trying hard to get used to all this new stuff, basically it means not eating anything he really likes… we are trying to get some new ideas of what he can eat in the restaurants we go to and to eat more at home where I can control the type of cheese and amount of salt and so on that goes into the food. Basically we decided not to take it too heavily and to just cut off the dessert and see what happens in a few months. He’s also really down about that and I’m sure the physical sugar addiction withdrawal symptoms doesn’t help at all.

A combination of stress and the crazy hot weather also made me get my period a week late, it never happens, for about 5 days I was almost sure I was pregnant. It felt like nobody’s body was working the way it’s supposed to and also, as if this is all some strange allegory about generations changing and Ned’s dad about to depart from the world while Ned’s getting old and a possible new generation being created. Both Ned and I were freaking out about that one, so much so that we avoided meeting anyone for about a week or even writing or talking to anyone about it, it was one of those “maybe if I don’t talk about it it will not be a part of the reality” type of things. It was also really strange because I did found myself having a lot of doubts about what I want to do if I do get pregnant, which I never really considered before, I mean actually having a baby in this stage of my life. Also, I think that the cancer and this at the same time made me feel like this was too much a coincident to ignore. I don’t know why, but now that I know I’m not pregnant (thanks gods or whoever…) I’m less scared about ned’s father’s caner, as if those two things are somehow connected and part of the load is off on one side of this strange see-sew and so there got to be a change on the other side to balance it. But it definitely feels like this whole week was about choosing between 2 paths or alternated realities.

Thisvery oddly goes with the book I’m reading now which is called Kafka on the shore and seem to be all about alternated realities and strange ominous things happening. I don’t know, it’s all just very odd and sad. And even though I’m exceptionally relieved not to be pregnant, a part of me feels a big sense of lose now, and as if my life somehow got to a standstill and I need to do something to make them move again.

Cancer

2008-06-11T20:30:09+02:00

And sometimes it just doesn’t work.

I’m sitting in Urban Rustic, Ned and I just finished breakfast and he took off for the gym, we are meeting here again after he’s done, It’s 2:00 now, so probably, he’ll be here at about 3:30, or something like that.

In my visit to Israel I realized how much I missed being out on my own. I’m not sure why, but in New York I don’t really get to do it at all, it’s not exactly that I feel like Ned will be upset if I choose to be with myself rather than with him, or maybe it is, in part, and also, that when we are apart, I can feel this tug in my heart to be together again.

Or maybe that’s just that fear of hanging out with me, and being faced with my thoughts and feeling on my own. It felt, in Israel, in those 2 weeks of seeing so many people and yet feeling totally trapped in my own mind, in my own thought, and needing to write just to express them – like a dormant animal, a big scary wild thing in me that attack me from the inside if I don’t cover its existence with words and love and closeness.

It’s so hard to find words sometimes. Sometimes it’s very easy, but not right now, and I don’t feel like explaining, the fingers touching the lap top screen, and I try to avoid the touch pad in the middle cause that makes the lines jump and everything mixed up, even more than it already is.

I’m sipping of cold coffee with too much milk, Indian music is playing and I want to do anything but sit here now. I came here trying to get some work done, which is what I call those days to going out and answering some e-mails out of the house, designating those 2 hours a day when Ned’s in the gym to communicating with other people. I keep making those lists in my brain of stuff to do and people I need to write to, but when I actually go over the list in the mail program, I can’t bring myself to answer even one e-mail. There’s a couple of girls in Israel I need to write to, a friend that’s visiting from upstate NY that I need to make plans with, good friends in Israel I haven’t talked to in ages, my family, my cousin who lives in Paris who just had a baby, a couple of store related ones. And they all congeal to this big weight on my heart that I don’t feel strong enough to do anything about.

A man that looks a lot like my first boyfriend walk to the outdoor patio holding a book and a couple in the table next to me are both complaining about her mother coming to visit.

It’s so hard to write, and it scares me how since I moved here, my communication skills just went down to zero, I never use my phone anymore, it’s too difficult, and now, even e-mails, which used to be the most safe inducing method of communication are also becoming almost impossible. I don’t know if this is just because I don’t have to deal with those things as much now, when Ned can do a lot of them for me, like call friends to see or talk to clients, or if my mental state has deteriorate in irreparable ways. I’m scared to even try and find out.

I’m looking at those stupid e-mails again, and for some reason, which is avoidance really, it’s very important that I check some obscure image on facebook , and I get distracted and then I close it and stare blankly at the e-mail list.
My last blog entry, I recall was also about the difficulty of answering e-mails. It’s pathetic, and this one wasn’t even supposed to be about that, I’m just stretching it, filling time so I don’t have to write about what I wanted to write.
Ned’s dad got cancer again. Right after our wedding, he had a scan and it turned out the tumor he has became active again, it was a rough year but he got over it, losing his hair and turning all yellow and gray and feeling like shit, but he won, and he had a really wonderful year of being clean and living his life. In that year, 3 people I know lost a parent for cancer, and I was feeling so lucky that he made it through.

And now, it’s happening again.

We met them yesterday, after he had a meeting at the doctor, we had dinner at a restaurant in Willimaburg and talked about what’s going on. A lot of scary words were flying above the table – stem cells and radioactive and non-invasive and doctors terms like “challenging but manageable” and “very low mortality rates” and “chemo”. All I can think of is how much harder this is for me then the first time, because then I was mostly sad for Ned, and now I’m sad for him AND for me, that it’s like having 2 sick relatives, Ned’s father and my father in law. And how, though I’ve known for a week that he’s sick, I haven’t wrote or shared that with anyone. Hoping somehow, that if I don’t document it, it will somehow be forgotten and disappear.

Again

2008-06-07T20:31:10+02:00

Saturday, June 7, 2008: In all honesty, I cannot abandon my cat. I need a home, that's true, but she's not a disposable thing that I can let go of. I cannot forget how great my cat is and has been. She's my family, the only one I can relate to.

Families and stuff.

2008-05-27T23:00:00+02:00

I am really fed up. The following characters have found their dads and a mum.

Emmerdale...............Gen + Shadrack.
Corrie...................... Gail + Ted.
Eastenders...............Chelsea and her dad.
Holby City ……........Maria, just found her mum. (I think.)

I am not at all jealous, no, not me. lol
I do know they are only soaps and are not real life. (Maybe slightly based on real life as I am sure these things do happen.)

Me………dad located.
He is deceased and his step daughter, now 69 – 70 doesn’t want to know. Her brother who is my half brother doesn’t seem to want to know either. I have spoken to him once, seemed a really nice man.

Good luck Soap Characters, hope you get on better than I did. Also, everyone out there who is looking for their relatives, good luck to you too.

I have a granddaughter who will be seeking her half sister and brother one day.
If she manages it, I wish her all the best.

My Father die

2008-05-16T07:40:00+02:00

March 22, 2008 my Father die.

My dad was a quite man, so when he said something we always listened. He had a great sense of humor, always ready with a good clean joke. And he loved his family.

I am number 8 of 9 kids even know with all these kids he took time to go to our football games or what ever we did and with 7 boys there was a lot of games to go to.

If I really think about it there were times that I was mad at him, but luckily I best remember the good times with him. He was a great father and I will miss him greatly.

Jerome Thomas Stewart, my Dad.

Throwing surprise parties for grownups.

2008-05-05T01:40:00+02:00

(Yes, I know I am theoretically a grownup. But still.)

The Pizza Slice

2008-03-07T02:23:43+01:00

Friday, March 7, 2008: I sat down to dinner with my sister and her family. A few minutes earlier I had seen her take 2 small pizzas out of the freezer. I looked at them and wondered: Will I get one this time? After a few minutes in the oven, the pizzas were put on the kitchen counter. Can I have one?, I asked, looking at her husband Dave as he bit into a slice. No, there's not enough, was her answer. Whatever happened to sharing?

Fun with genealogy

2008-01-08T04:04:37+01:00

On a trip to Ellis Island with friends visiting from Nebraska, I learned the following: when my great-grandfather left Ukraine, the children he left behind (my grandfather and his younger brother, who would join him in Brooklyn little over a decade later) were aged one and negative one. Granted, many people at that time and place didn't always know how old they were; my grandmother, for example, was never sure whether she was born in 1917, 1918, or 1920. But I'd prefer to believe I just uncovered a fascinating ninety-year-old family secret, of course. Being a tourist in my own city, I took only one photograph today:

TV Soaps etc.

2007-12-16T13:40:00+01:00

I am sad, I watch TV soaps. Anyway I have just been thinking, poor Amy in Corrie. Now not only has she got a mum in jail and not only does she never smile or even say much she has even more problems.A/ Can she not walk? She seems to be carried most of the time. I know she is a "soap" child. I mean to say, T.J. in Emmerdale rarely moves from the settee. Do these kids never play with other kids??B/ Most of the "soap" children will grow up with low self esteem. Why? Because no one ever wants to look after them. Their parents try to pass them from pillar to post. Either that or the other way round. "Will you take Amy?" someone says, "I can't," says someone else. Poor Amy is just waiting, maybe just hoping that someone, somewhere will be really happy to look after her. I know it's just not Amy that is not "wanted." Loads of "soap kids" are. Then the ducks, I am sure my boys were never excited about going to feed them. I don't remember going especially to feed the ducks. My poor kids may be traumatised by never going. Then there is "Family" mostly Eastenders. Family is important, you can rely on family. Even when family are miles away and never been seen for ages. lol Even when family are slaggingeach other off. Maybe they mean, other people should NOT slag of family but family can. Mind you, maybe our family is boring, lol I know people wouldn't turn on their TV to watch us for half and hour 2 - 3 times a week. Maybe better than sleeping pills though.I will keep watching.

Raise Revenue For Non Profit Organizations Over Holidays!!

2007-11-18T17:25:44+01:00

Coming upon the holiday season many non profit organizations (i.e. churches, schools, charities) are called upon to nurture those in need. This unfortunate circumstance can be strenuous and emotionally challenging to many involved, not too mention financially staggering for those attempting to raise necessary funds. That being said, wouldn’t it be nice to have an outlet for these numerous institutions to call upon in order to alleviate some of this tension by helping all of those involved. Well I have found one!!This Is Not A Solicitation In Any Way!!!! First and Foremost Please Understand That!!

Recently there has been an online shopping system created to help people use there online spending as a mechanism for helping change the world. This system is absolutely Free, No Fees Ever!!! You only have to register for Your own mall site and do your normal shopping (at all the brand stores you usually use) from your own shopping network. You’ll earn rebates for everything you buy. In addition, you give this free offer to those within your organization and recieve a small percentage rebate on what they buy from there own mall site. Also, you will find that the prices on your mall network are cheaper than what you’ll find if you were to go shopping yourself at your local mall–especially if you shop around on your mall site. Not too mention some of the proceeds from every member in the company will be sent to Save a child fund. It’s a total win win situation for everyone involved. This system allows you to raise money for your organization, help those within your organization save money while they shop, and help save children across the world with all of our buying power. Never before have I seen such a morally and economically sound program captured by one entity.Please take a look at this program, You’ll Be glad that you Did!!

Matters of the Heart

2007-11-14T08:11:06+01:00

I'm as tired as only a day in the hospital can make me, the weariness that's not so much the will to sleep, as the will to not think of feel anymore.

Hospital, like airports, or school, looks the same, no matter where in the world you are. I'm thinking about that when I'm walking toward the elevator, about how maybe if I just open a door or turn into a room, I'll find some secret passage that connect me to a different hospital, in Israel maybe. Then I think that maybe that already happened and I just didn't feel it because all the hospitals looks the same. They have that same feel of pleasant boredom, of cream color wall and those awful reproduction of paintings and prints with flower in them and the same light. And they have the same time zone, all of them, in which minutes feels like hours and half hours feels like days, and going out, after spending just a few hours in there, I feel like I grew old by at least a 100 years.

His mom had some heart thing, she's fine, they had dinner with us on Sunday, and then dessert and then they went home and in the hours after dinner she felt a pressure in her chest and in the morning, she went to the Doctor who send her to a Cardiologist who send her to the hospital where she had an Angiogram and and Angioplasty.

I went through the same thing with my mother, about a year and a half ago, just before moving to New York, being in the hospital, I remembered everything, what comes before what, and what will the DR. say and when not too move and everything. I was looking through the window in the waiting room, expecting to see the mountains of Jerusalem like they look from Haddasa hospital, and not Manhattan. I remembered different small things from when my mother was in the hospital, then from when my sister and my grandmother, it feels as if every hospital visit I do, it harder to carry because it carries in it all the other hospital memories folded in it, in hospital time, like layers of films laying one on top of the other.

The Dr. is talking about changing life habits and sports and eating differently and medication and I've heard all this before, and it makes me scared about how I'm eating and how I'm not doing any sports. And it also makes me think that there's nothing wrong with her, really, that she's having the symptoms of age, that at some point, everyone i know would be facing the same visit to the hospital with some heart problem. I'm thinking about my mother and how I felt like I was breaking her heart by leaving. I'm thinking that I'll be old one day and die. I'm making impossible deals in my mind, agreeing to live only till the age of 60 if all this will be spared of me. If only not to have to deal with getting old. I rather die, then deal with the idea of my own mortality.

Later at home, I'm cutting papers for prints and stop in the middle, I surf the net, I check facebook for no good reason, I finish a painting I started the other day, not because I want to, but because I can't bare to start something new, and I want this day to end with at least one thing finished. I draw flowers and paint them yellow until all the page is filled and the painting is done.

I think about this blog and how, a while ago, I would come back from a day like this and just want to write about it and how now, I just want to turn on an audio book. I don't want to listen or express my thoughts and feeling. I'm trying to figure out why and come to a vague conclusion that it has to do with space. I miss myself, the way that I was before, the way that I was when I was writing more. I miss the fearlessness of not being afraid to loss everything because I feel I have nothing. I miss drinking instead of eating, I miss being thinner.

But I don't, not really, I'm just scared of getting old I guess.

Granddad.

2007-08-09T00:05:00+02:00

I have been reading a blog by a granddad who has never met his grandson. Speaking as a person who never met her biological father and nearly had a granddaughter adopted, I have great sympathy.Why are families like this? So sad.When granddaughter's mum decided not to have her adopted after all, the social worker said that it had been a waste of paperwork! Granddaughter's dad said he wanted to say something!Well, whoever she was, that was a really awful thing to say. Such a caring person she must have been, the ratbag. I know if I had been there I would have been arrested for assault. I am a peaceful person but that would have been a good case for me to have lamped her one. The ratbag should have been reported. Lucky for her that I was told a good while after. Might as well make a plea while I am on this subject.......Victor, in CA. Halfbrother. Prove to me you aren't my halfbrother. I still, truly believe you are. The photos almost prove it. You don't know how close you were to getting a visit from me last year. We were only in SFO. Not far away. Ahhhh well, good luck to everyone who is wanting to get in touch with missing family members. Life is too short.!

Canada Immigration

2007-05-25T12:37:01+02:00

Immigrate to Canada as a permanent resident for yourself and your family. Great opportunity in the worlds best destination. Visit www.polarim.com and check your chances! Free Assessment!

A dream about my parents

2007-04-24T04:15:03+02:00

My yoga teacher shoes me again how to do sun salutation. In my dream I'm in New York but it looks like Israel. Not anyplace specific, just the familiar streets and feel and people. Her phone ring and she answers and pass it to me, it's my father. He's talking to me, I ask him how is he doing. He's telling me that my mother's in the hospital, that she had a minor heart attack, that he calls to ask me if he can take something of mine and break it so he can sue the insurance company and get the money to pay my mother's hospital's bill.

I can't really hear what is it that he wants to break. Actually he hasn't called to ask if this is OK to break my things, but rather, he was afraid to dig in some more unwanted information about me. So he wanted to know that it's safe to open that object. I ask him what is is that he wants to break and he say "the thing with the big screen", "The computer?!" I ask, and he say "no, the TV" and then he's quite for a while and then he say "see, that's why we can't talk to you" cause for him, my wanting to know what he intend to open was an admission of guilt, I try to explain to him that there was nothing I was trying to hide in either the TV or the computer, that I just wanted to know, but then the phone hangs up and the call is lost.

I'm in Ned's parents house, but it's not really their house, it looks just like my grandfather's house in Pardes Hana. one of Ned's cousins is there and his 3 daughters, in reality he has 2 daughters and 1 son, but in the dream the kids are all different. The 3 girls looks the same, all thin and white with long black hair. One of the girls sits on me and we all talk. Then one of them say "I can't be your friend, I saw a show about you on Television and your dad was giving and interview saying you are evil". I got that angry fear in the pits of my belly, like I'm not in control, I'm hurt, I also know it's a lie, that whatever I did to my parents couldn't be so horrible. In the dream I remind myself of reality, that all I did was write a blog and put some nude photos on the net, that I haven't broken any laws. The two girls go out of the room talking between them.

I hear my father's voice from inside my bag, as if the phone was switched on and the call was somehow answered without the phone ever ringing. I run toward my bag looking for the phone all the time hearing my father say "Hello, Hello, Anybody there" but by the time I find it, he already hanged up the phone. Then in less then a split second he appears there. He say that he had to come over cause he couldn't reach me on the phone. I'm upset, I say "please tell those girls that I'm not evil so they can talk to me". I'm saying it in a cynical voice and trying to mask my feeling, trying not to show how upset and scared I am.

My mother also appears, and Ned's father, he's nothing like he is in real life, in the dream he's a very old mad that walks very slow and his neck is sort of twisted. My parents are angry, I'm angry, but they try to pretend that every thing's OK. He shows them around the house and the yard, and my mother get excited about everything and give him a lot of compliments, she's doing it not because she is really excited, but because she's trying to make a good impression. She's not talking to me and neither does my father. I'm drifting away from the group as anger and sadness just sits on my chest and I feel heavier and heavier, like I'm chocking on my tears.

Ned's father ask me "Is everything OK? What's wrong" and my mom turn to me and say "Yes, what's wrong?" My anger chokes me on the inside, I feel like smashing things and yell at them all, and yell at them for not talking to me for so long, for not being there for me, for leaving me with this burden of guilt and shame, for not respecting me as an adult. I don't even know where to begin, in the dream I feel the tears choking me on the inside but I can't scream or cry or talk or anything.

They continue with the tour and Ned's father leads them to where, in my grandparents house was the tool shade. He say "this used to be the old boy scouts meeting place, but now it's abandoned" the shade a total opposite of the beautiful lawn and the rest of the yard that's glistening in the sunlight - it's dark and shaded and falling apart, all rotten wood and barred doors and windows. It looks totally misplaced, like a spot of evil in all the summery shiny good. My mother say "I'll donate money to help you rebuilt it" And I know that when it's extra important for her to be loved or liked she's always very free with money she doesn't really have. And I feeled ashamed of how eager she is to please without even needing to.

She takes out a check book and write a check, as she bends over a desk to sign, I go behind her. I want to touch her, as if by accident, like I would seeing a former lover that I still love in the street, I know it's not going to help but I just want to feel some warmth on her skin cause I can't feel any warmth from any other place in her, she's harsh and cold and ignore me entirely. She doesn't react, but she moves, as if naturally to not allow me to touch her. She avoid my touch, as she avoid my eyes, or my words or my feeling.

I wake up feeling really bad, the dream makes me sad and scared. Then I think about reality, but it's not comforting at all, actually I realize that at least in the dream my parents were present in my life, they idd communicate with he, while in reality they haven't.
It's been over 9 months since my dad last spoke to me.

I wish this was over. I miss them.

Missing Rue...

2007-04-14T11:05:00+02:00

My sister and her daughter, Mariella, left early this morning for Sweden. God knows when they will be back again. Mom told me that Mariella cried a lot and abrutply embraced her "kuya" Rue and told him that she will be missing him badly.

They practically grew up together, under the guidance of their grandparents, for my sister and I both have to work hard to make our children's lives better. Rue and Mariella were never that close: my son always picks on her; she, on the other hand would call my son names. They fought like cats and dogs. The things they did to show affection to one another.

According to mother, Rue tried his best not to cry. He told Mariella to be a good girl and to always take care of herself. And suddenly, without a warning, I felt this need to just hug him...

bicycle

2007-03-07T09:00:00+01:00

My son is asking for a bicycle, It is spring outside and he is about to rush about the courtyard with his friends. The old bicycle does not suit already, he wants a new one. What can I do? Probably I should buy a new one otherwise he will be pressing me like it was with the handy. Well, I hope no flying skates will be invented before he becomes adult.

Kenapa..??

2007-02-03T08:15:00+01:00

Kenapa???apa yg ingin aku persoalkan di sini ialah kenapa sukar sekali utk kita manyatakan atau melahirkan perasaan sayang kita pada ibu bapa...pada mak..pada ayah..pada umi..pada daddy..kenapa.///??tapi kalau pd teman istimewa kita.....erm......tak taulah nk cakap ape kan..tapi..ape yg pasti aku bukan mcm tue.....ye!!bukan mcm tue!!Malang sungguuh...mak sayang kita..tapi tegas betul!!ayah sayng kita...tapi..garang..nak pandang mata pun takut..ape lagi nak senyum kan...tapi aku tahu dia sayang aku..sedih aku melihat sesetengah orang yg suka mengkritik ibubapa sendiri...kononnya mak ayah tak sporting..tak memahami...sape kata???sapa yang kata???cuba story sini skit...Hmmm......betapa payah untuk aku merungkapkan nilai kasih sayang ibu bapa pada anaknya...sebab apa??sebab terlalu besar!!!ya!!besar sangat!!percayalaaahh...So..apa lagi??mari kita beramai-ramai bagitau kita sayang mak bapak kita...pegilah buat air ke...itu satu kasih sayang jugak..walaupun kecil..tapi bermakna...

The Birthday Boy

2007-01-21T07:20:00+01:00

He is officially a teen-ager today. It seems like only yesterday, he was two years old, holding my hands, asking me if I could please buy that big robot. Now, he's asking permission to go malling with his friends.

My brain is barren for eloquent words to describe the pride I feel for this young man, who's into computer games, guitars and drums (and not girls, thank God!!!). He's always cool and sweet, never fails to send me SMS just to say, "Take care mom". I look forward to hugging this big boy-- the main reason why I am kicking and going despite of all the trials I have to face each day.

Happy birthday son! Mommy misses you so much.

I don't know where
The time has gone
Since those little boy days
Doesn't seem that long...

~ Mikki Viereck "A Song For My Son"

Serenity

2006-11-15T15:43:35+01:00

Well, I know I don’t look it, but I am a year older. I should be wiser and maybe I am, but I forgot the ginko again, so I can’t remember. For some time though, I have had a theory: If you stay married long enough whether you actually say it or not, you are living the Serenity Prayer. I can’t say I always think of it in those terms either, but it is a socially acceptable way of writing it in this blog and God knows I don’t want to be banned for bad language! For those of you who have not been introduced to the Serenity Prayer let me give you the words, so you know what I am talking about."God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."I have been married a long time. My husband and I have weathered many storms. We have not always gotten along and we have not always liked each other. I’m not sure if we have always loved each other. I know we have each taken our turn at treating the other un-lovingly. Over the years I have decided that each couple whether consciously or not makes a choice if they will (or can) accept what the other person will dish out. If they decide they can’t take it they either leave or make it abundantly clear that they will not tolerate the behavior. If your partner is willing to change the behavior, then you have shown the courage talked about in the prayer. If you decide to accept the behavior you are practicing the serenity part of the prayer. There is a popular saying that says ‘pick your battles’. If you understand that and put it into practice, you have the ‘wisdom to know the difference’. When we were younger we agreed to disagree on certain things. Over the years though I have noticed that we have closer on most of our issues of contention. Now that our children are grown there is less stress and we can relax and enjoy each other more often. The reason we can do that is that we have continued to cultivate our friendship through the years knowing full well that the children would not always be living with us.We still find each other interesting and we both try to stay interested in each other’s own pursuits. In other words we do have separate interests that may or may not involved the other person. As long as we cultivate an interest in what is going on with one another, we can remain in tuned with our partner. Now, we realize that our time together is limited and we want to do the things we planned long ago before one or the other of us can no longer enjoy the plans of our youth. Of course money is always an issue too so we can’t just pick up and go or do things when we are trying to make sure we have enough money to have a comfortable retirement. With God’s help we will live long enough and stay healthy enough to accomplish all that He has planned for us and then we will be an example to our children and grandchildren and maybe even our great grandchildren!

Hayward? Pleasanton? Union City?

2006-11-12T21:44:09+01:00

Anybody out there from any of these places??? I know they are in California. Not far from where sister and I went on holiday. That seems ages and ages ago now. It was only June. Oh, happy days.If you live in, Hayward, Pleasanton or Union City and you are over fifty, I would love to here from you.

Our Beautiful Princess

2006-11-10T15:30:00+01:00

I have bored some of you with my telling how wonderful my two grandsons are and now I will bore other people with how wonderful my elder grand daughter is! She is the only light haired grandchild I have and she has sort-of green eyes. She will be 6 in January and sometimes acts a lot older. Especially when there are younger children around. I guess it is the ‘mother instinct’. She has a round cherub face that lights up when she smiles. She loves pink and Angelina Ballerina. She wants to be a ballerina when she gets older. She also loves me to read to her and I love it too! She is full of hugs and kisses and she shares them with those of us who are worthy. She has been convinced she is a “Beautiful Princess” since she was born. Her older brother has always (well almost always) tried to protect her and keep her from getting hurt. Her brother that is closer to her in age has not always gone along with the game plan. For a long time he just didn’t like her! She wouldn’t give up on him though and tried to make him like her much to his dismay. Finally he was convinced like the rest of us she is a sweetie. She is also very smart. Her mom home schools all of the children. We watched her hold back on reading until her older brother got a real good handle on it. (He just didn’t want to read) Now she is going great guns and will soon pass up both boys if they aren’t careful! She loves to color as do I and so she bought me a coloring book and crayons for Christmas last year so we could color together! She snuggles with her daddy nearly every day and he loves it because he knows he will not be able to do that too much longer. Her daddy is very outwardly affectionate and he will miss all those hugs and kisses but, as we all know our children do grow up and away all too soon! She is a good girl and loves to help. She will fold clothes, wash the table, (at least what she can reach of it) and set the table, almost anything you ask. Another thing she loves to do is sing. She has sung since she was really small. She knows the words to almost all the songs we sing at church. In fact, when we have church outside in the summer, one of my friends who lives across the street from the church can hear her loud and clear! She was a blessing right from the beginning because after I had two sons and then her mom had two sons we were really ready for a little girl! She may have said the funniest thing of all recently when her grandpa said, “ I love you!” She said “I love you too!” and he said “I love you more!” then she said, “Maybe you do!”

not so Happy Days

2006-10-26T15:30:00+02:00

I would like to say that I have been so busy that I just haven’t had time to blog, but I would be lying. I don’t like to write when I don’t have fun or positive things to say. I guess though that this blog is suppose to be things I think about and I am not always positive and I don’t always have fun!I have been pretty depressed because my children and grandchildren have moved and the prospects of them coming back are pretty dim. I miss them very much and I need to figure out how to adjust to being alone so much again.My Dr. put me on MORE medicine for the diabetes and I thought I was doing better without it, but she doesn’t like the fact that it spikes up so high on occasion. SO, I am not on insulin, but I do have to use a needle to administer the med. Now, that doesn’t really bother me except I just didn’t want to take any more stuff!!! I have insurance that covers almost all my prescriptions and yet my monthly prescription bill is over $70!! This is just crazy! In spite of the fact that I continue to lose weigh each month; my body continues to sabotage me. My friend lost her father suddenly a little over a week ago and it really made me think of how I felt when I lost my dad almost 30 years ago. That made me sad too. Besides my daughter-in-law losing her dad and my husband and I (finally) making our Will there have been a lot of depressing things in the news and in politics.This election better hurry up or I am going to just keep the TV off until it is over! Even the candidates I like are running negative campaigns! I feel so bad for those young men and women who are in Iraq and the families of those who have lost loved ones over there. It seems like the same feelings I had when my husband was in Vietnam. I didn’t know if it was a war worth fighting then and I really don’t know that now. I know our president practices his Christianity when it is to his advantage and it embarrasses me as a Christian. I wonder just how many others that are running for office are going to do the same thing when they get there. There are certain moral values that I just can not go against, but if I vote for a person who says he or she believes in what I believe in and then goes out and votes against it, what am I suppose to do? This is autumn, my favorite time of year and the colors here have been beautiful even if the weather has not always been great. I should feel good; I am a child of God. He loves me and knows my heart. I have been trying to stay positive and keep my spirits up, but it has been hard. This week I am going to see the Pickle and I know that should help. OK, I am done whining. I know I have a good life. I live in a country where I can say the things I just said here and not go to jail. I know that I am loved by God; but also by my family and my friends. I have a great job and a really super husband. I have a nice home and a reliable car. What am I complaining about??

Acquiring a Family Business

2006-10-14T18:09:20+02:00

There are advantages and disadvantages to working in a family business, one of the main disadvantages are; if thing go drastically wrong it can ruin a family relationship forever; there is also sibling rivalry to take into account. On a positive note family members will be loyal and have a willingness to sacrifice for the benefit of the business. For these reasons it is important the right business is selected when looking to acquire.

The Wonder of Life

2006-10-13T15:30:00+02:00

Well, I made it! I got the call! Yes, a return engagement to baby sit the Pickle! Our schedules have been pretty hairy lately, so it was difficult to make this happen. But, one of the dear people I work with traded days with me to make it possible. Thanks JC!! (Think what ever you want). Our little lady is growing by leaps and bounds! She has 2, count them 2 teeth and the way she was gnawing on everything she is bound to have many more soon. She can do her own rendition of crawling, which from pictures I have seen and descriptions I have heard from my parents may be a lot like the way I crawled at the same age. She pulls herself up (by hook or by crook or even the dog given the chance) and walks around things. It is hard to explain but if you let her she will feed herself with a spoon and she fed me too and washed my face when she determined I was done! It isn’t that she never cries, but when she cries it is fairly easy to figure out what the problem is because she has such a pleasant temperament. She says “da da”, “ma ma” and “ba ba” and I am sure she knows what they mean. She also sings…”la la la la la la” I have to admit she will at least try to copy any simple sound you make…including a fake cough! She is truly a happy baby and a joy to be around! (Of course, I may be slightly prejudice)Pickle is doing something this weekend that even I have never done. She is going to New York City! You can find out all the details from Pickle’s Papa on his blog “…and then there was Pickle@blogSpirit.com. I pray they have a safe and wonderful time.I’m sure some people just can’t stand it when grandparents brag about their grandchildren, but I really don’t care what they think. I’m not writing to them; I’m writing to you, the ones who have grandchildren or are about to have grandchildren and you just can’t say enough about them. There is no other feeling than when your child becomes a parent. Grandparents all over know what I mean. If I have to express it in words I guess I would call it a “Wonder of Life”. The world has 8 of them, so far I only have 4 and I thank God for them.

A Letter

2006-10-07T00:56:45+02:00

Hay sister, how are you doing?I'm sitting at Starbucks in large Barns & Noble, on union square, He's at group, that's a couple of blocks away, and when he has group, I usually tour around the book stores or walk around the area giving myself navigation assignments or sit in the park. But today I'm so tired, I don't even have the energy to wonder about anymore, and I already had 3 cups of coffee so I'm going for tea this time, it's Lavender and Camomile and smells like bathroom air freshener, I wanted peppermint but they didn't have any and this was the closest flavor to Peppermint that I could find.The last few days had been really busy, we are planning the wedding that will take place in the 22 of the months. It's very weird and scary and strange, we are both so happy, but also very aware of the fact that we would rather wait a few more month and not get married at the moment and that a part of the reason why this ceremony is taking place now is about legal paperwork that will allow me to stay in New York. That's why, I think, it's very difficult for both of us to make decisions and organize things about the wedding.We already sent e-mail invitations, and know just about who's going to be there, about 25 people, maybe more, and then we just got stuck, we didn't went on with the preparations at all. Yesterday we finely stated to shake off this stuckness and met the Rabbi that is going to marry us. He's a good friend of a good friend. He's a Rabbi in training. I really appreciated his approach, he was very open to our opinions about what is important for us to have or not to have in the ceremony. He also offered a few interesting ideas like that me and Ned will write and decorated our Ktuba and talked about his own marriage experience. It was a very interesting experience for me to meet a Rabbi who's so unorthodox and not trying to talk me into becoming one.I told him that in that morning, when we were taking a walk, I was really moved to see a group of orthodox jews dressed in black, with their beards and big hats playing baseball in the park and how different it is for me, to see that in New York, aside of the fact that they are religious, the are also people, the fact that unlike in Israel they have to work for a living, I think, make sure they also have to take part in life, not just in the bible and their inner narrow world. I guess the difference is not only in the orthodox crowed, but also in me. In Israel, where all the secular people were talking Hebrew and looked familiar, the orthodox looked more alien and aggressive. Here, also cause they are less militant, but mostly I think, that next to the rest of the population, they look familiar, they dress in black and the women in the same dresses and wigs of Geula neighborhood in Jerusalem, and so, there's something comforting in their appearance and presence. Also, I like seeing signs in the street with Hebrew lettering, even though most of the time I have no idea what they say cause they are in Yiddish.Williamsburg, the Neighborhood that we live in, is divided into several areas, it's got a big part of polish and Italian decedents, it's got the cooler part in which we live, full of artists and hipsters that is becoming more and more yuppie, I really like the atmosphere is has now, but probably in a year or two it'll be too fancy and we'll have to move away. The Southern part of Williamsburg, which I almost never get to visit is mostly Orthodox Jews, When we went back from the meeting with the Rabbi (He lives in Park Slops - a Neighborhood that's deeper into Brooklyn, We were on the motorcycle and we rode through south Willamsburg, it was really amusing to see all the Sukkoth that suddenly took over all the neighborhood balconies. I'm not even sure he noticed it, I'm not sure if he even know what Sukkoth is all about, he's jewish and his parents are jewish but I'm not sure they know this holiday at all. I think that Suka on the balcony is something that you notice only when you look for them.Before arriving to south Williamsburg, we detoured on the bike to a neighborhood that's called "Red Hook" which I never seen before, it looked like a pretty poor neighborhood with a lot of tall projects buildings, it's right on the water front and border the pier where all the shipping boats download their big containers, so the neighborhood also have a lot of garages and sheds and small storage and work shops. Something about the docks and the houses and the smell of the water and atmosphere in the street really reminded me of Jaffa, only most of the people living there are not arabs.This area borders in another neighborhood that was pretty similar to this one a decade or so ago, but now look all fancy with all those high condo buildings and fancy big restaurants that's called DUMBO - I think it's an initial of something but i can't remember what of. I think that neighborhood also made me think of Jaffa, all those fancy construction projects like "Ha'Rova" or "Andromeda" with the lovely view and high prices and door man at the entrance and the way rich and poor live side to side without being aware of the other's presence. We ended our tour in the Brooklyn Bridge park that's in between the Brooklyn and the Manhattan bridge. It's so beautiful at night! I could see all the amazing lights from the buildings on the other side of the river, that famous New-York skyline and the two bridges also full of lights. It was one of those moments in which everything feels like it's a scene from a movie and I suddenly realize that I'm in New York and my brain have a little trouble excepting that fact.We couldn't stay in the park for more then 2 minutes cause his cellphone rang, it was his parents, and they said they are a little early, they just arrived to the building we live in, and were waiting for us cause we were all supposed to go out for dinner. I hope to go back to that park again, during the day and see what it looks like in the daytime, I took some picture but haven't downloaded them yet, so I'm not sure how it came out.I was a little nervous meeting his parents, the day before his father called with really bad news, several years ago, he had cancer that he manage with treatments and chemotherapy get over, he's been tested for it every few months since and till now he was healthy, but on his last test, the doctor found another tumor that would have to be treated. The doctors are still trying to decide what to do about it and what would the best course of action would be.I like his parents very much, they are very american and very nice and very polite, so that though I've met them 5 or 6 times since I got here, we have never really spoken about any serious things, it's always small talks about politics and their dog or people they know or people we know or the wether. I didn't know if now, that something bad happened, if they are going to react in an emotional way or if I'm just supposed to ignore the topic and not speak about it at all. You know how it is in Families - it's always the hardest to say what you want to say the most. We took them out to dinner at Union Picnic which is a tiny place that serves southern food which is really great as comfort food. As it turned out, it was the best meeting I had with them since I got to know them. They asked a lot of questions about the wedding and how they can help, they asked if it's OK if they'll be in charge of the food and suggested that instead of bringing food to the apartment, we'll all go out to that restaurant together after the wedding. It's a weird idea for me, but I guess nothing in this wedding is going to be like how I'm used to seeing weddings, so that can be pretty cool if the food part would be something different as well.They are really excited for us and want to help without being pushy. I'm really sad that mom and dad are acting like babies and choose not to take part in the wedding and my life at the moment. I think it's their lose, maybe even more then mine, but still, I think I would be happier about this wedding if mom and dad and of course you and our other sister would come, or if I'd known mom and dad are happy for us and excited about our wedding - A phone call might have been nice as well. at any case, a friend of ours will have a video camera and I'll try to get him to convert it to DVD as soon as possible so I can send a copy of it to mom and dad and you and them can all watch it together, even if not at real time.Eventually, after the wedding talk, his dad talk about the cancer, he said the most difficult thing is not to know what's going to happened, that once he'll know what the doctor intend to do, he'll feel better about it. He was pretty reserved and polite about it, but he did show us how difficult this was. The irony is that right now he's feeling totally healthy, but there is a chance that once he start treatment he'll be feeling really bad. I wanted to tell him I'm there for him and that I want to help, but I couldn't even imagine what I can do. Eventually, right before they left, he told us he'll let us know when the doctor decide on the treatments, and I said I would be happy to know what was decided and that if there's anything he needs, that I'm here for him. I know he would probably never ask, but I also knew that he was happy that I offered.It's strange how moments of difficulties bring people together, mostly families, even more then moments of happiness - isn't it?!How are you doing sweetheart? I heard from our sister that you are at the ward again. I hope it's bearable and that you are getting the help you need. I'm sure it's really hard but I think it's for the best and that it's a good place to start recovery from. I got to run, he's waiting for me at the fountain in 5 minutes and I have to pass through the bathroom on the way.Hugs and Kisses!

Our Gem

2006-10-05T15:30:00+02:00

It is past time to write about Grandson # 2. What a gem this fellow is to me. He has sparkling brown eyes that grab your attention. He seems always to be doing something, even while you are talking to him, but he is listening. Sometimes he is so busy you think you can have a conversation with someone else, and all of a sudden he joins the conversation, fully aware of what has been said. I guess you could say he can multi-task. He is very bright, and he loves to make up jokes. Some of them are even funny. He will be 8 yrs. old in January. He is home schooled and he really likes math. Sometimes he gets full of energy and can’t sit still no matter what. I think all boys do that, but we all have to learn how to control ourselves. This is his plight in life I’m afraid!When he was two, his sister arrived. He was happy at first, but then he just wasn’t. He just didn’t like her, so of course, when she could she irritated him. It was funny to watch her chase him around after she started walking. He didn’t even want her to touch him! So, of course, that is what she wanted to do. But over the years, they have become closer and they play together very well…especially for brother and sister.He has asthma. When he was just months old he had some pretty rough times. He spent time in the hospital and worried all of us who love him. But, as he has gotten older and we have gotten wiser about what he can and cannot do, he has not had a full- blown attack for three years. He has a good Dr. who knows from personal experience what works and what doesn’t. As a result of taking steroids when he was an infant, he had a weight problem. It doesn’t help that all of us seem to have the same problem, but his mom and dad have been diligent and so has he. His weight is much improved and of course, he is growing taller too and that helps! He likes to talk, but not on the phone. He usually has a joke to tell and wants to tell you what he’s been doing unless he is still doing it when you call, then he’d rather keep doing it! He likes to watch funny videos and then recite parts from them…he has a good memory for such things. He is affectionate and loves to laugh. I am proud of him. All of the problems he has had to overcome in his short life have made him strong.

Boss Lady Update

2006-10-02T15:30:00+02:00

A while back I wrote a blog about my Boss Lady. I really was bemoaning the fact that I thought she would probably be retiring soon. She had indicated that she was ready for a change in her life and felt that not having a full time job would be a good thing. Her mother is elderly and her father passed away a short time ago so she feels she needs to spend more time with her. Besides, none of her children live too close so she doesn’t get to see her grandchildren as often as she would like.All that being said, a few months ago an adoption agency had a program in our library. SV sat in to listen to what they had to say. Come to find out, she has always felt that she should have had one more child…she has 4…and that child should be a girl. With her interest peeked she took the advice of agency representatives and went on line to check the prospects. She was favorably impressed.When she told us about the progress she had made, she became truly animated. You could tell this was her heart’s desire. As she continues to check into all the legalities involved she finds that she is qualified. The only thing that worries her is that she has not fully unpacked from the last time she moved. (Hey, it’s only been a couple years) The rest of the staff and myself have assured her that if someone is going to come inspect her apartment, we will all pitch in and get it ready! I really love that she is willing to share what she can give to a child that has no one. I also really love that she is looking toward an older ‘less desirable’ child. I almost hate to admit that I like the idea that she will have to keep on working for a while longer if she does adopt. Does that make me self-centered? I just pray that all will work out for the best for SV and the future adoptive child.

Thoughts

2006-09-29T18:30:00+02:00

Our friend from BC went back home. My younger son (Pickle’s Papa) is angry with all of us except his dad. My older son and his family are moving (temporarily) into my daughter-in-law’s family home. I woke up crying this morning. I wonder why??Well, I am very sad that my children and grand children will not be in my home even if it is a temporary situation. I have grown to love having them here. My husband is gone a lot for work and this big old house gets lonely! I love to read to the children and pray with them and just watch them do their thing…but I know they need to do this thing. My daughter-in-law needs to be a good daughter and help her mom prepare for the rest of her life without a husband. I do not know how I would act. I do know I would expect my children to help me, so I must let go after 2 + years of having them here. It is the right thing.We talked to BC last night and he is still uncertain if he will be able to work his job until his planned retirement in two years. It is all up in the air. If he does have to take an early retirement I guess he can, but he would not be very comfortable financially. We were looking forward to him being able to stay here a few months of the year after retirement, but he may have to take a job for a while just to keep things going and that is not a fun thing to look forward to. I pray all works out at his job.Pickle’s Papa is my baby and maybe he is a tad spoiled. He is also a very emotional person with feelings that are hurt often. Sometimes he tries to not let them bother him, but I know from personal experience that it is better to let those feelings out or you can become physically ill. I guess what I am saying is no matter how unjustified his anger may or may not be (because I don’t actually know why he is upset, he hasn’t told me) it is better that he gets upset, and gets over it than to bury it and let it burn a hole in his stomach. But I must warn him, (that is if he reads this) that I need my Pickle fix so I will be coming over soon.

2 Weeks pregnant

2006-09-29T07:33:35+02:00

So, you just found out you're pregnant, congratulations! How far along are you? How do you measure that? Well, it all depends on how well you kept track of your cycle. Health care providers and OBGYNs count pregnancy from the first day of your last menstrual period. That would make you approximately 4-5 weeks pregnant by the time your next period is late, around the time you took your home pregnancy test. Gee, that went fast, right? But, you have not technically been pregnant that long! You're most likely 2 weeks pregnant, if measured by the actual date of ovulation and conception. The pregnancy really began when your egg was fertilized, 10-14 days ago. When a woman conceives, it is within a 24-48 hour window either before or after ovulation occurs. This is usually around day 14-18 of a woman's cycle. But let's go back to the beginning of this cycle. You're 2 weeks pregnant, so when did your cycle start? The first cycle day is the first day of the menstrual period. It may last 5-7 days. Then, in another week, the ovaries prepare to release an egg. Ovulation typically occurs between day 14 and 18 of that cycle. If there is sperm at the top of the fallopian tube waiting for the release of the egg, (sperm can survive for up to 5 days), the egg could be fertilized. It takes another 6-8 days for a fertilized egg to implant in the uterus. Then, the hormones are released that will cause the body's temperature to be higher than usual and create a warm, protective environment for the fertilized egg. These hormones can be detected about 10-14 days after ovulation and fertilization. So, do the math, you are 2 weeks pregnant counting from the date of conception.However, because most women don't keep track of when they have ovulated, OBGYNs count from the first day of the last menstrual period, assuming that a woman's cycle is normally about 4 weeks. That, however, is a broad generalization because women's cycles vary greatly from that average. So, if you know the approximate average length of your cycles, you can better adjust the time frame for your pregnancy. If you have a 5-week cycle typically, then you would say that you are 4 weeks pregnant, even though it has been 5 weeks since your period began, in order to be more accurate with the way your OB will measure your pregnancy. Pregnancy is approximately 40 weeks in length, counting 4 weeks since your last period started, but not taking into account a woman who has longer cycles than 4 weeks. So, if your period was just late, consider yourself 4 weeks pregnant rather than 5, and add time to account for how long you waited to test after your period was due. Congratulations! You are 2 weeks pregnant! But, tell your ob that you're 4 weeks pregnant (or more)!

once upon a time. my papa.

2006-09-28T16:25:00+02:00

went for a buka puasa with my parents today.

altho i didnt fast today. well.. cant really fast actually. time of the month ;P

the buka puasa thingy was alright. my treat. just got my paycheck and suddenly i feel that hey.. i want to belanja my parents for a change. i have no problems spending for friends.. why not my family? it costs me about rm250.. not too bad ey?

during our extravagant buffet serving at one of the 5 stars hotels (famous for their buka puasa session), papa gave a remark that made me a lil bit sad. he said, "it's been a while since i last had this kinda lavish meal. i cant afford it anymore. thanks Bo." i held back a lil. i still remember that papa will usually bring the family to hi class restaurants and hotels during buka puasa.. birthdays.. special occasions.. papa was actually the person who introduced me to the lavish life that i have now since i was 13.

yeah we basically had a normal-class-living before; which papa had to strive hard to earn a living. but we were happy back then. not till he had too much of everything. u see.. i dont hav a normal family. papa has 4 wives and that means 4 families to look after. and for the past 5 years.. he had some difficulties with his business. everything went down. and i have a very strong feeling that the reason being is the 4th wife.. she has total control of papa's life now. i pity him. i wish that i could make a difference and help papa but am only her daughter.. what do i kno right? what can i do? sadly.. nuthin..

i used to be really close to papa. he was my everything. he assisted me along the way until i became an adult. that is when we became distant and rarely talk. but i love him still. to death some would say. he has always been my idol. the one i look up to. he will always stood up for me. i kno. and i will for him too.

it lightened me up when i saw the sparkles in his eyes after the meal. i know he was proud of me. for being a complete human being. but at the same time i felt guilty. for not working for him like my 2 brothers. not that i dont want to. papa is not someone you can really trust. business wise i mean. as a father.. he's the best! i want to achieve sumthin in life and i kno that i cant do it if i work for him. sorry papa.. u know i love u.

one of my dreams that i have always wanted to do is to support my parents when they're old. i want to give them what they have provided me for the whole period of my life. probably i cant do much now.. but i will papa. i will. and that's a promise. love u ;)

We didn't really do anything...

2006-09-25T15:30:00+02:00

We didn’t really “do” anything this past Thursday. We (my husband and I) had a day off on the same day…unusual as that is…and took our friend from BC (that is Canada, not the old days) and my aunt out to lunch.We have wanted to go to “The Barn” for a long time. It is an Amish restaurant in Smithville, OH that we really love. So, we loaded up BC and my aunt and off we went. My husband drives for a living now, but not too many years ago we used to enjoy a Sunday drive almost every Sunday with my Aunt and Grandmother. Now that he drives all the time, he neither has the time nor the inclination to take us for rides. This was a real treat. He never goes anywhere the same way twice, so the scenery is always different and when you start getting into southern OH the hills are really pretty. Regretfully, the real fall colors are not on the trees yet, but it is still beautiful. The radio in the car doesn’t work, so we talk and joke almost the whole time we are riding. When we finally got to the restaurant we were ready to eat. They have a “Salad Wagon” which includes home made soups and bread along with all the regular salad bar fare. That is usually all I order, because it is more than enough to eat. Then, they have home made pies…well!After the appropriate amount of shopping for home- made jam etc. we climbed back into the car and decided to try to find another restaurant (not really to eat, just to ride farther I think) that we had been to two or three times before. None of us could remember where it was or what the name of the place. So, we got the map out and tested my husband’s memory (after all, he does the driving he should remember better than anyone else, right?). He really does have a sixth sense about directions and locations so I trust him to find things and he always does. What the heck, it was a beautiful day, it was still early and with him driving, we couldn’t get lost! We drove the way my husband thought it should be for a lot longer than he thought we should and when he was just about ready to turn around, there it was…Peggy Sue’s!It is really a hole in the wall in New Castle, OH. But they are well known for their fried chicken and what else…homemade pies…so, since we weren’t really hungry, we just had drinks and PIE of course, it was delicious! Anyway we found it and we marked it down and we won’t lose it again!Next, we decided (with some begging on my part) to go to McKay, OH. My great-grandmother had a piece of property there when my aunt was a child. My aunt went there and spent time running around playing on the big hill behind her grandma’s house and every once in a while, in our travels, we would pass that spot.Recently, my boss lady and I went to a seminar in that area and I pointed the house out to her and told her the story. Well, she must have been paying attention, because soon afterward there was an article from the paper (Loudenville Times) speaking of that spot having a “Grand Opening” of a model Log Home so when she saw it she brought it to work and showed it to me. I wanted my aunt to see it, so…we went there too.We found McKay…it wasn’t really hiding…my great grandma’s house was gone. In its place was an almost 3000 sq ft model log home. From the outside the fireplace alone was fantastic! We had to go inside and investigate! We toured the place…it was out of this world. The best part for me was when we went into the sunroom at the back of the house and my aunt said, “Wow, I could sit out here and look at all the places I played when I was 8 years old!” The house was just lovely, but the best part was seeing my aunt’s face as she looked out the windows and remembered back more than 70 years when she was just a child playing and running and exploring as children often do.What a great day we had and we really didn’t do anything much.

a stranger in her own home

2006-09-21T15:35:00+02:00

how i hate having men staying under one roof with..

it had been awhile since i last had one. of course.. these men are my brother and nephew. okie okie.. we can not consider my nephew as a man yet. he's not even 7! hehe.. but he sure does act like a typical men. my brother is teaching him shit! he doesnt respect women and he never listens. sometimes i feel like giving him a slap. but at the same time.. adore him to death. also i pity him. with all the fuctup things that happened to him. he's soo young to have this kinda life. *siGh*

anyway.. i just want to say that i hate having them around 24-7.

i can never watch my favourite show till late anymore. i cant wear sleeveless and shorts. my mum forbids me to wear these "revealing" clothes when my brother is around. i am practically a stranger in my own home. my brother is such a HUGE a**hole. he's such a drag to have around. he doesnt clean up after his mess. he occupies the bathroom in the morning which had me in trouble with my boss for a couple of times. he complains alot. he acts like he is the boss and we need to follow his rules. like HELLOOOOOO!!! u came to stay over here and bringing your heavy "life-baggage". am not referring to his son. he actually brought his problems along. his stupid problems which i just dont give a fuck about! he's such a BIG LOSER. he lost his family because of this. STUPID!!

erghh.. i kno i kno.. it's not really nice to say things about your own family like this but hey.. am not feeling nice now ;P

Summer Water Play

2006-09-18T17:00:00+02:00

Summer has been full of water fun with play at water parks in Arizona with Claryssa to wading in the Columbia River with Riley and Reed. The pictures below speak volumes. And now with summer's end, I am anxiously awaiting the birth of grandbaby #4, Conor!