Last posts on me

Define . . . ”Me”

2008-06-17T22:15:00+02:00

My friends and I decided it would be fun to exchange mix CDs with songs that “defined” us. Obviously, these songs are not meant to be definitive in the strictest sense, but I chose songs that point to a kind of person/philosophy that I think I am, hope other people see, aspire to become . . .So I thought I would share the tracklist with you. My iTunes tells me that I have fifteen days of music, and how I went about initially choosing songs was simply scrolling through all of that and grabbing a song that, in turn, grabbed me. I ended up with a mix three hours long that way, but I managed to whittle it down to a lean one hour. I’ll include my rationale for including each song.Here we go:Common People, William Shatner – I knew I would start off with this song from the get-go, though I wasn’t sure which version to use—Pulp or the Shat-man. After a short deliberation, the Shat’s off-beat, emotional delivery (buttressed by Joe Jackson singing balls-out and Ben Folds’s music) won me over. This song rox my sox.Do You Realize??, the Flaming Lips – I love this song—from its lyrics that juxtapose the heartbreaking and ironic aspects of life with those that are beautiful to the almost orchestral instrumentation to Wayne Coyne’s ethereal voice—I love love love this song. It chooses complication over Romance and still manages to be beautiful. I wish I could do that.Damn It Feels Good to Be a Gangsta, the Geto Boys – Hell’s Bell’s it feels good to be a gangsta! I actually got into a “passionate” discussion with one of my friends about this song. Quoth my friend, “They can’t even get the definition of ‘gangsta’ straight!” Which is of course why I love it. The song doesn’t give one definition of “gangsta,” but four—four that I think speak to a different part of how people, in this case gangstas, react to life. Plus it’s bad-ass.Watching the Wheels, John Lennon – My favorite Lennon song—it reminds me to simmer down when I’m freaking out about work or money or writing, etc. The world could use more people who let go of the merry-go-round.Knock Yourself Out, Jon Brion – This song, in addition to having a folky, laid-back feel to it and lyrics voice my personal mindset in regards to the metaphysical nature of the universe, has the added bonus of being on the soundtrack of one of my favorite movies. I saw Mr. Brion live and got to go on-stage, touch him, and personally request this song—which he played. As some will tell it, I also pushed over a pregnant woman causing her to lose her baby in order to get that chance . . . but she probably didn’t want that baby anyway . . .Dance to the Underground, Radio 4 – This song has a kick-ass beat and attitude. And like its singer, every now and then I take refuge in the underground (be it in music, philosophy, or literature).Dear God, XTC – Dear XTC, Thank you for saying in lyric-form many of the reasons why I don’t believe in a conscious, personal god and why, even if I did, I would not worship it.Better Son/Daughter, Rilo Kiley – Rilo Kiley remains one of my favorite bands and, after just blasting god and religion, this seemed an appropriate follow-up. It’s hard to be a good (or better) person sometimes, but the song’s building drum march beat helps keep me going. May I also say how ridiculously perfect this music video is for the song . . . Ah, crazy Japanese movies, how I love you . . .Space Dementia, Muse – Then again, sometimes I just want to disappear into oblivion. My girlfriend, Christina, told me after I put this on my mix that she rejected the message of this song (even though Muse is one of her favorite bands). What can I say? Sometimes I’m just cynical enough to prefer it if peace arose and tore everyone apart and made us meaningless again . . . and the music video includes Cowboy Bebop, which—regardless of what Christina says—still inspires me to write my own saga on Mars.Mad World, Tears for Fears – So follows Tears for Fears, in a less intense fashion at least. I dig this songs catchy music coupled with its bleak lyrics. Truly, we live in a mad world.Suicide Is Painless, The Ventures – He he he . . . This one sounds worse than it is. First off, this version has no lyrics and so is not explicitly depressing. Secondly, The Ventures gave it a catchy disco feel that I interpret as saying, “Life can really shit on you sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dance.”Korobeiniki, Ozma – And with new life given to me by The Ventures, I’m able to roxor nerd-style with Ozma’s Nintendelicious cover of the Tetris theme. Plus this video utilizes Captain N: The Game Master, which is a blast from my cartoon past. Pure sweetness.Murder the Government, NOFX – Ozma’s nerd punk leads to what I feel is one of the best punk songs out there. This song lays out an anarchist manifesto at break-neck speed (once it gets going) and, though I usually identify as a kind of socialist, this song certainly calls to the anarchist lurking inside me.Oo-de-lally, Roger Miller – I felt it fitting to follow that with the most laid-back song on the mix, a song from one of my favorite childhood movies, Disney’s Robin Hood. The juxtaposition reminds me that human beings are irreconcilably complex. I couldn't find a suitable English version of this song on youtube (stupid Disney with their stupid copyrights) but I did find this sweet Swedish version. "Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, hopsa linkin dahhhhhh."Revolution 1, The Beatles – Out of NOFX’s anarchist spirit and Roger Miller’s country sensibilities arises an acoustic call to revolution, sung in muted, wispy tones and appealing to a rational, practical revolutionary. I’d like to think that describes me. I’d also like to point out that I put this song here by total accident, but since I thought of a reason for it to belong here I turn it from impulsive accident into artistic statement.Philosophy, Ben Folds Five – In case you haven’t picked up on a theme here . . . although this was a last minute addition. I knew I wanted a Ben Folds Five song on here but couldn’t decide between this and Best Imitation of Myself. Well, Best Imitation of Myself gave the mix a particularly depressing turn, so I went with this one instead. By now I think we’ve had enough existential doubt for one mix . . .Chicago, Sufjan Stevens – This song is perfect for a couple of reasons. One, I live in Chicago, I was born here, and—for the first time since moving all across the country during my childhood—I feel like I’ve found in here a region that I can call home. Second, its music is inspirational, while its lyrics are humble. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes,” indeed—but the song also offers a complicated and determined message of hope. Christina told me that this song felt like me, and I took that as one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me, musically speaking, of course . . .That’s it. Fittingly, I started listening to it as I began this post, and I have finished it as Sufjan brings it home for me. I hope you enjoyed reading about it. What songs would you have included on your own mix?

Simplest Me

2008-05-02T06:42:13+02:00

WORD FOR THIS DAY: COMPLICATEDOf all the words, why would I choose the word “complicated”? Complicated means difficult to analyze. Understand, solve, etc. Try to look at the numbers:20 + 10 – 5 ÷ 3 × 4 + 3 – 2 + 1 ÷ 15 × 10 + 45 – 50 + 0Or even this:3x + 4x – x + 2x + 10x – 9x = 4x – 52x – 2x + 6x – 3x + 16x – 4x + x See?! They even left us a big, big ? in our minds. That’s an exceedingly, highly, empathically, decidedly, notably, unusually, remarkably, extremely, surpassingly, greatly difficult.Speaking of which, I would like to know how to make those complicated problems appear not complicated. I mean, how we can make it simple. (Ah! We have another problem!)The truth is , simplicity is the answer to that. Just like what our Math teachers would tell us, simplify, simplify and simplify. Whew! There’s so many equations that I need to simplify. But there’s one more thing that I really need (and it’s a must) to simplify – it’s me, myself, and I. sometimes, I appear so complicated to others. I tell so many things but I end up not explaining a word. It’s the same as this…You: Hey, what’s up?Me: Okay.You: Okay? Are you alright?Me: Yeah.You: Then why with that face?Me: Oh, nothing.You: Is that you?Me: Of course.You: Come on, spill the beans!Me: I just hate the world.You: Including me?Me: No… I don’t know.You: Sigh!!!I just wanted to simplify my life. I wanted to be understood by others. (Quote: If you want others to understand you, make yourself understandable.) that’s quite easy when you read it, but hard when you take into action.After you have accomplished your goal, which is to simplify yourself, you (or everybody) can notice a big change in you."Simplicity is the best policy - ever!"

about me

2008-03-16T13:52:25+01:00

Hi guys I am Joygrace... my friends loves to call me sweet... since I was small, dancing is my passion but when I reach the age of 16 years old I started to love music and song... love songing and discover the meaning of songs... Well guys you are free to read all my favorite songs here and know my own interpretations of the songs... Enjoy reading guys.... God bless

Art and Crap

2008-01-10T21:02:56+01:00

Yesterday I got an e-mail from a friend, she's having an art show with another friend in some gallery in Bronx.

I knew it was going to happened, she's been working hard on her art and I've seen some of the new pieces on flickr. We haven't really talked in a while, it's not that I don't talk to her or anything, but we had sort of a fight a while ago, concerning an art show, and ever since then I was a lot less incline to trust people, And been pretty protected about making stuff in general. I don't know, I wrote this line and realize it's not true, not true at all, because at the same time, I'm more out there and I'm taking more chances then I've ever been before.

It seem like whenever I feel defeated or annoyed or upset or socially dysfunctional, I retreat to lick my wounds on line. Somehow the distance that the internet create makes it possible to function, and in this realm of shadows, everything is easier, and everything possible - partly because it's not real. Only it is real. It's so damn confusing and I'm struggling to make my brain realize and existing reality because I spend so much stupid energy in maintaining a false and harmful perception of reality.

Well the thing is this. A couple of month ago, I got into a big argument with a woman in a swap site I was a part of, After the argument, which like anything online, was public and involved many people all telling me I did something wrong, while actually I didn't, I decided to stop swapping in that site. It was a crouch anyway, I told myself, an excuse to make stuff and send it to people. And it was, also, in about 80% of the swaps I ended throwing what I got out because I never liked it and were disappointed. It was like getting paid for stuff I made with really worthless currency, however, the benefit was that in almost all the cases, people was extremely excited about what i made for them, so other then the stuff I got I got paid with appreciation. Even more important then that I got acceptance, there was no judgment, even the crappiest packages I got, I accepted with love and I knew other people are accepting my packages with love as well.

So anyway, I decided to just drop it after the argument. And then it turned out that I didn't really manage to motivate myself to craft or make stuff much anymore, because how many toys and silly scarf and cards do one person need? After getting all depressed about it, I decided to resurrect the etsy store, not so much to make sales, which at the time didn't seem even a remote possibility, but just to have a frame to make stuff in. It was just for fun really. So I made something for the store everyday, and stuff started to sale - and it felt really good to get money instead of crappy stuff, but also, it felt rally good, not to be just accepted, but to feel like everything that sales, sale because someone was willing to pay money for it, and choose it over everything else in the site.

I don't know why but I feel so guilty writing about it, like all those womanly fights and insecurities and stupid craft stuff is boring and uninteresting and no one would want to read about that, right?

But then again, why not, why is that not interesting, and also, why do I care so much.

The truth of the matter is, that I look down of craft, I feel it's not real art at all, that it's just something fun to pass time with, not serious, just a childish thing, I keep thinking of people buying my stuff as a charity or as a way to make me happy without really wanting them. I feel like a whole bunch of stranger portray my creation on their fridge, hanged with magnets, like something the kid brought for school.

So anyway, I made this deck of tarot for christmas and put it in the etsy store and it sold, and I made another one and another one and so far 13 of those sold, it's the most expensive and the most successful item in the shop. I made over 900$ on the etsy store alone, since the end of November, plus a little bit more on a privet sale and about 300$ in Ned's mom trunk show. It's the first month and a half this business is going and it's going so incredibly well. I'm actually making money of selling art. Yesterday something I did made it to the front page and got 1000 views - 100 views before getting bought by a nice lady in Australia.

The fucked up this is the math of this - at least 5000 people looked at stuff in my store in this months and a half, I made money, I found out stuff about marketing, running a business and taking myself seriously. I'm starting to think of it as a business. But somehow, a stupid show a friend's having in the bronx, which couldn't possible generate 5000 people to see it, feels so much more worthwhile to me then all this, I don't know why. It's not because the internet isn't real, it is, and there's money in the bank (well, in paypal) to prove it. It's that my notion of success is so limited and limiting. Why is it that i can only excel in something unless I don't call it "success".

I feel so limited, stuck in my own flesh, not open enough to accept the change in the world.

No, I feel not open enough to accept the change in my life.

Current stage of life...

2007-07-06T21:15:00+02:00

So who am I ? Well I am a sister, a daugther, exgirlfriend and an employee and last but not least a human !My journey is full of ups and downs in the life, I am sure everyone has more or less similar journey..but mine has more downs than ups !!!!!! I know everyone has problem and bigger problems than me but sometimes its not theproblem but fight with your inner emotions and thinking which is hard to get over.Currently a student and part time worker but since I am majoring in IT but i have extreme workload, I wouldnt say it is the work load but also my my own procrasination which leads me to extra work load and at last minute. My dream is to get a job in IT and some special place where I have already lived for 1 year but unfortunately had to finish my educationbefore I could make it big :).......I guess this is life when you least expect,things go wrong but I wouldnt label it as wrong but unexpected and out of shock specially when you have so many dreams based on that. Oh well I am working on it again and by grace of god. I would be living my dream again....Apart from all this, I have or had a bf which i broke up last night and he lives where I was last year. Amazing guy but jut typical guy... last night I decided I had enough of him so told him. End of our relationship, he pleaded butI have made up my mind, plus It is really best for both of us !Today, I thought I would work on Ethics and give ethics midterm, I am also fasting....so Jai Santoshi Mata :). I hope she is listening to my prayers and help me out, just not her but all the god's. My biggest problem is to control my lazyiness, I have realized If I dont do lazyness, I can be A+ student but I really couldnt help. Plus these days, I am thinkin I should get marry soon, I am sick of living single life and allthis drama. God can you help sort out everything....It is friday today and I hope I catch up on my work today....... Wish me luck........Peace out !